Published on 12, July, 2020
...all I want to do is go out and get a nice bottle or two of red wine.
Not to get bladdered. Not because my body is craving booze.
But just to get some relief from all the greed, selfishness, vanity, savagery, bigotry, trash and plain stupidity I can't help noticing all around me!
I don't need to make a list. It's everything from violence in Gaza and Derry, to desperate refugees being turned back out to sea by populist governments, to people leaving their crap everywhere, to pre-school kids of Generation Z with their heads stuck in their phones.
The human race is nuts. It's doomed.
I've found myself sleeping much more now. Over the weekend, I've napped at regular intervals. I've tried reading, but can't focus on it for long enough. Sleep gives me some reprieve. Death's second self.
I just want to escape.
"Accident black spot? These aren't accidents. People are throwing themselves into the road willingly to escape all this hideousness. Go ahead, darling! Throw yourself into the road!"
Withnail - 'Withnail and I'
(now I'll shut up and go hide again...)
Sobriety sucks. Eight days now - including these last three days off work, which have been the hottest of the summer so far. And I'm ready to throw in the towel. I'm back to a state of almost permanent low-level anxiety. My inhibitions are backing up like so much mental constipation. And I'm bored. I can't focus on anything for more than a few minutes. I know it's early days, and I'm bound to feel this way for a while - just until I get properly used to being sober again. But the world sober is driving me nuts. I look at it and think 'So, this is it, eh?'
I slept this afternoon, but I'm off now for an early night. At least it'll take care of the next few hours.
Can you not see the magic of the world around you or just it’s mudanity? Or is that what the alcohol is for?
The dear poster Disambiguating Cynosure raises the very pertinent point that if you remove something from your existence then it creates a hole, a gap that needs replacing. Have you given this any thought?