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i am sure im audhd but im alone in this

Deanfox

hello i believe im audhd , 3 years ago i quit drinking, im 40 next year. i had been drinking heavily since i was 14/15 years old. i always knew i was adhd but now im sure theres more. i have autistic traits also. i dont know what i want or need so often in a day i get so frustrated. im finding myself more sensitive to things ie too much going on around me, two seperate conversations or two sets of music playing, loud in general. i think i find some balance between my walking bein in nature making hip hop beats and gaming. i have been researching alot, this internal tug of war or chemical tug of war ive seen it a few times and it just rings home with me... there is lots more i could go on and on, i cant afford to go private and the nhs just want to put you on anti depressants and or a waiting list, they dont care. i have a son and my relationship with him is being affected, his mother has it out for me and wont explain neurodivergancies to him for my sake. i find it so difficult to communicate i always feel i cant get out what im looking to say then i feel terrible afterwards. i find that in conversations if i havent got the response i wanted i add little white lies, i cant understand why i do this, i hate big lies and i cant stand wrong doers, i feel like i have so much about me people dont understand, i lived alone for 10 years so no one but my kids seen my home life. i find myself sittin in front of frequencies and meditation music for long periods of time when frustrated or burnt out. theres more to me but i just need to be reassured this is what im going through, cheers

  • in reply to Deanfox

    I've been in situations where I'm terrified to go forward but can't go back. What terrifies you? Is it the process you'll have to go through or the fear that diagnosis might prove you right?

  • in reply to Alexa

    ive done 4 of these and all reccomend i go further, im afraid really, and because no one will help i doubt myself. im literally terrified

  • in reply to Oscar

    thank u, it makes me feel better to read that, i think private is the only way for me, i dont trust the nhs

  • in reply to Deanfox

    It can be difficult with GPs, wherever you are. Try this autism test. Try this ADHD test. Go back to the GP with your results and ask to be referred for an assessment for autism and adhd (if the tests show you have either or both). Your have the right - look at this link
    www.nidirect.gov.uk/.../getting-autism-assessment-and-diagnosis

  • in reply to Deanfox

    Hi, 

    I was diagnosed with autism, this year, but not with ADHD. I am new to the forum and find it both safe and comfortable. It is here that I have learnt so much about the great variation within autism and about the way an autism assessment can be quite an emotional upheaval but also a revelation,   

    I can tell that you are feeling particularly isolated at the moment. However, you are not quite alone; as there will be others, on this forum, who are or have been in the same position.

    I experience all of the following you mentioned, to a greater or lesser degree, and can empathise with:
     "i bore easily and lack a social filter. i crave calm and little doses of spontanious fun. i find it difficult to express my feelings, problems with affection and intimacy.. i need routine and structure in my day to day." "...as a full grown man i find im very sensitive."

    To me these are not faults they are benefits. They are an essential part of me and make me creative,  trustworthy, consistent, thoughtful, observant, sensitive, quirky, etc. It has taken me 70+ years to understand their worth and importance; as I was always making comparisons to the norm i.e. the neurotypical. Oddly, even comparisons to autistic people wouldn’t have helped as autistic people vary so much.          

    Of course whether you are autistic or not, I cannot say, it depends upon an assessment or, as some choose, a self-assessment.

  • in reply to Alexa

    cant get seeing the gp, its terrible here. i did go to them before. but like i say i find it very hard explaining myself, they put me on anti depression tablets and sent me on. they only made me feel less myself and sedatted. so i stopped them,  im just gonna have to save and go private. thanks

  • Hi. If you want to know whether you have ADHD and autism, it's best to speak to your GP about being diagnosed. There may be a long watiing list in your area, but you can ask your GP about "right to choose" if you're in England, which might shorten the wait. 

  • i think (from research) ive been masking, i bore easily and lack a social filter. i crave calm and little doses of spontanious fun. i find it difficult to express my feelings, problems with affection and intimacy.. i need routine and structure in my day to day. my kids mum took away my structure and routines with my son and for 2 years i just cant find a way to be happy. i dont feel depressed i feel frustrated to the point i wud rather leave home than stay somewhere no one understands me. as a full grown man i find im very sensitive. my feelings get hurt easy and i take things to heart. im just afraid of things i shouldnt be, im afraid doing this right now, but im alone in this