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Too tired from the ruminated thoughts while trying to function like everybody else.

Dicle

Hi,

I am master student in the UK. It is my very first year in this country and I am very glad that there are communities for neurodivergent people for sharing their thoughts and connecting with each other. For last couple of days, it has been more challenging for me to adapt an environment which is mostly surrounded by neurotypical people. I am diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) when I was 3 years old. Now, I am 28 years old female adult who tries to build a life here due to feeling of overwhelmed from my own society. I never revealed my ASD when I was going to school for the fear of being excluded from the education system. Also, I cannot get a proper treatment for my ASD and ADHD (not diagnosed but my symptoms are very related with ADHD as well) for losing my chance of finding a job completely. However, I cannot stand it anymore as my ruminated functions really effects my daily life and functionality. It is true that I am very affected other people's thoughts but I have been working for curing myself for more than 10 years. I have been getting a therapy in every week since 2013 with a medical treatment for 3-5 years. When I am looking through this stage, nothing were worked for me in a long term. Many people, especially my mom, tell me to overcome my ruminated thoughts by exercising my brain. For example, I have to tell myself that the thoughts that nobody like me is not real. I also try to not think in that way. Instead, I think that "there is no love or hate relationship. Because I am different from them, some people don't know what to do". However, it still hurts me to know that there are always some people who are friendly to everyone but not friendly to me. At the end, I decided to isolate myself from friendship group because I cannot stop to feel frustrated. 

I just want to know how is your experiences and what are your suggestions for overcoming by these thoughts.

Have a good night everyone.

Parents

  • Hey! Firstly it's good that you are reaching out and here seems like as good a place as any. All I can really offer is that I understand and sympathise - I've struggled with similar anxieties and intrusive thoughts for as long as I can remember and it's something I still struggle with, albeit that they are more under control than they have been. 

    I found university a really difficult time, and I'm aware that the stresses of deadlines and such added to what was already a really difficult environment to be in. I'm not sure I've ever felt more out of place if I'm honest, because of the environment but also probably more my own preconceptions about whether I 'deserved' to or should be there in the first place. 

    Add to studying the cultural shift that you are experiencing - I've done that too, albeit in a different way, and it's a big challenge with lots of stresses - I think accepting that would be difficult for anyone while adding the stresses of the studying and ASD/ADHD and it's about finding ways to regulate and stay calm in a challenging time. 

    Hopefully the links bunny posted will help, perhaps vagas nerve exercises may too to aid regulation. I find I ruminate and have less intrusions when calm so that would be my advice. The other thing I would add is that it's transient - there have been times in my life when it has been all too much, and honestly totally out of control, but others when I'm in control, calm and happy. Hang in there, speak to a doctor/therapist to see if there is any help they can offer and be kind to yourself is my advice. Oh, and reach out when you need to as well, which you are doing - there will be others who have been through the same and come out the other side; you will too. 

Reply

  • Hey! Firstly it's good that you are reaching out and here seems like as good a place as any. All I can really offer is that I understand and sympathise - I've struggled with similar anxieties and intrusive thoughts for as long as I can remember and it's something I still struggle with, albeit that they are more under control than they have been. 

    I found university a really difficult time, and I'm aware that the stresses of deadlines and such added to what was already a really difficult environment to be in. I'm not sure I've ever felt more out of place if I'm honest, because of the environment but also probably more my own preconceptions about whether I 'deserved' to or should be there in the first place. 

    Add to studying the cultural shift that you are experiencing - I've done that too, albeit in a different way, and it's a big challenge with lots of stresses - I think accepting that would be difficult for anyone while adding the stresses of the studying and ASD/ADHD and it's about finding ways to regulate and stay calm in a challenging time. 

    Hopefully the links bunny posted will help, perhaps vagas nerve exercises may too to aid regulation. I find I ruminate and have less intrusions when calm so that would be my advice. The other thing I would add is that it's transient - there have been times in my life when it has been all too much, and honestly totally out of control, but others when I'm in control, calm and happy. Hang in there, speak to a doctor/therapist to see if there is any help they can offer and be kind to yourself is my advice. Oh, and reach out when you need to as well, which you are doing - there will be others who have been through the same and come out the other side; you will too. 

Children
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