Published on 12, July, 2020
I can only enjoy good things if I 'deserve' them, and that means I must either work hard before the good thing or be sad or tired before the good thing.
It doesn't make sense because people's worth is not in their productivity but my brain is still being difficult.
It makes it hard for me to take long breaks, more than one day of taking a break gets me all depressed and guilty.
And I always have a general sense of guilt for everything; examples:
I don't know how to change this. Is it my own ableism (like feeling bad for not having a driving license even though I know driving was overwhelming and stressful for me), is it something my parents taught me, or something else?
Any thoughts are appreciated. Thank you!
I thought this was just me before I was diagnosed. It is a strange one. Very common amongst us. No idea what it is or why we feel this way.
Perhaps a longing for a greater purpose but held back by an archaic society.
Interesting, I didn't know it was common.
I think strict thinking and black and white thinking might play a role then, cause our moral compass is stricter and harsher and there's always a loud self criticizing voice in my head because of that.
My "guilt" starts shortly after awakening. So I don't get much of a break.
For me it possibly stems from wanting / needing to do something but not knowing what.