Published on 12, July, 2020
I never feel like I quite belong anywhere, including my college. I'm so much more serious than others, even the teachers. Teachers give little guidance and are not knowledgeable, they usually make us give presentations and do research on our own on the internet. Today I asked one if they had recommendations about resources on the internet I could start my researching/googling from, they didn't. My college mates also suck, I tend to want to not think about how much I don't like them but it's true, they suck. They rarely have any passion for what they study, just want to get the bare minimum grade to pass the semester. I keep feeling guilty for not finding anyone likable, tell myself that there's gotta be something there that'll change my mind, but I always get disappointed, then start feeling more guilty.
Anyway, this was supposed to be more about how I'm tired of self learning. I'm just so exhausted from always being the only one who's responsible for my own motivation, and that I always have to guide myself on my own, and that my whole life is spent on the internet because of how it's really the only good source in this godforsaken place. I wish I wasn't so alone and that others were more serious.
Just tired of loneliness in general, keep feeling guilty, like it's my own doing that has made me isolated and estranged. I also have a lot of guilt for being culturally different from the people in my country, I can't help it, I prefer a more American culture, but I also feel guilty.
And if it helps, I'm studying Architecture (something which you need to be familiar with your own culture in, which kinda sucks for me).
thank you, that’s kind of you to say. you’re definitely not going insane at all, it’s completely normal to be worried about this sort of thing. and it’s okay, i like replying back to people it takes my mind off of things and helps me to focus better. take care of yourself too <3
You are very sweet. This means a lot! I was starting to feel like i'm going insane. Thanks again, and for your many replies and your time! <3 You too be kind to yourself and take care. <3
glad to know I’m not the only one. you’re welcome <3
that is good and i get that, I’m not a very optimistic person myself, a lot of the time I can be pessimistic, but it’s not right to be happy 24/7 and people do suffer from mental health conditions or other conditions that lessen their quality of life
. I don’t think you were being self opinionated at all, you were just being honest and expressing concern you had for your academics. not everyone will understand the message you’re putting out but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong!
that’s alright. I’m glad it makes you feel better, it’s not good to feel alone and have things bottled up. and I’m surprised they don’t empathise with you on that since not everyone is very efficient in their work, even teachers. we all can improve and learn from constructive criticism. I remember there were many times when I thought my teachers were not teaching me well, since they wouldn’t give me enough advice or enough time to complete essays.
I also freeze and get completely quiet around people like that. Thanks so much for sharing! <3
Yeah I've been recently trying to just accept not everyone is kind and not everyone will be good to me, but it's hard because you also have to be careful to not be too pessimistic. Like, the other comments thought I was being self opinionted or looking down on others, but I'm just wondering that maybe I'm in the wrong group of people.
Thanks for the reply. I feel better knowing I'm not alone in this, no one else has ever shared something like this with me, whenever I rant to my classmates about bad teachers they don't really empathize with me. I hope you're doing better now.
don’t put to much pressure on yourself or worry if it’s something you did, you will not always get on with everyone and so many people are just unkind. when i was 17 I had to walk away from many people because i felt left out and I was being made fun of, talked about etc. back then I was undiagnosed too and every-time i was near people that i didn’t belong with I just froze and couldn’t say a word to them.
so have i and they still scare me now. well it was very difficult to teach myself but i did only just manage it. my grades were not too bad with certain things, but it wasn’t healthy for me to teach myself when I had lots to do and more teacher input would have helped. and I took back some knowledge but lacked skills due to the limited resources.
Yeah I've had many burning outs myself and I'm kinda scared of them. Do you feel like you gained enough knowledge and skills like that though? It's really hard to teach yourself effectively I think. Like, do you think what you learnt sufficed?
Also, I think it's ok if you're not super passionate about your job, I'm actually not that passionate about architecture either. I just think that if you have a job, it's definitely your responsibility to do it well. I don't get upset if my class mates are just trying to get by, I know life is hard and not everyone has the same priorities, but you still have a responsibility. Buildings and architecture can really affect the quality of life, and I get if they're not passionate, but they can atleast do it decently and try, instead of paying to someone else to do the design and therfore learn nothing?
I understand what you mean, when i was back in sixthform I didn’t receive much guidance from teachers either so ended up having to teach myself. honestly pushing myself that much wasn’t a good idea since I burnt myself out doing it.
I agree with everything you said, but I'm not self opinionated. It's shocking to me how all replies thought that about me. But I guess I live in a much different world (Iran) and I should have mentioned how the things that are upsetting me are facts not my judgments (I explained in other replies).
This sounds bad, cause me saying 'I'm not self opinionated' might make me sound more self opinionated? I don't know, I really don't look down on people, like my mom always tells me how I'm so much better than my peers and I hate that. I always tell her to stop saying it. I like feeling like I'm similar to others.
I wish I could. Sounds lovely.
That is what I wish, we really don't have clubs and such. That's why I say my life is mostly on the internet, we don't have resources.
No, I'm not judgemental, I actually have a huge hatred for judgment and that's why I said I feel guilty feeling this way. I replied to another person as well but I say again, these are observations not opinions : My college mates try to cancel classes, cheat all the time, pay to someone else to do their work, say things like : 'as long as we get a good grade' or 'who cares about[insert basic architecture principal]'. They also only care if the teachers are easy going, doesn't matter if they do no teaching and this is no exaggeration and not my opinion : They make us do the teaching, I'm not judging, this actually happens. I think I deserve to be upset when teachers don't teach but make us teach.
I don't think we have things like. What are university societies exactly if you don't mind explaining?
I don't have a negative opinion of people, I don't think they're lower than me, I don't think they're less intelligent or anything, I just know they don't care much. This is something they express themselves, not my opinion. This is not judgement. I don't assume they're not passionate or they don't care, they've told me themselves. Whenever I mention a basic architecture principal like sustainability which they've forgotten to take into account they say things like : 'who cares?' or 'I just wanna get a good grade'. Also, they always wanna cancel classes...You would be absolutely right though if I was just making assumptions, that would be a *** move.
And about my degree, it's actually not that good where I live. it's inexpensive and easy to get into. So, there's actually some shame when I tell people where I study.
I didn't think I was feeling sorry for myself that much, just was hoping people had tips about self learning, but I guess it wasn't clear, English not being my mother tongue might have played a role.
The other thing is university is supposed to be fun!
That is an important point.
Now is the time to make contacts that will last you well into your career - make time to speak to people, listen to them about their interests and grow your network of contacts.
Once you start work you never have the time for this so don't delay. Join clubs, go to social events (donesn't have to be nightclubs or parties) and get to know people.
Try to switch off your judgement of others and accept them for who & what they are - warts and all.
It can be done in small doses so it doesn't become overwhelming but I think you will find it hugely beneficial.
Cosmo said:Also, no interesting architecture where I live, it sucks so much.
come visit me in the old city centre of Sao Paulo here in Brazil - a modernist haven with a lot of influential architects of the 50s (I live in a building designed by Oscar Niemeyer) and lots of other cool architecture in a small area.
The other thing is university is supposed to be fun! I had a blast when I had my run. If you're lonely, why not join some of the university societies that'll be available? Or start engaging in the nightlife. Live a little.
Sorry to be blunt, but your post is a bit stuck up your own backside. Everything sucks, does it? Seems like you've hit peak angst and you sound like a misanthropic character from a Dostoevsky or Sartre novel.
Iain's response below is brilliant so I suggest you pay attention to that. I'll try to add something more.
If you're behaving in this way towards your peers, they're not going to think highly of you. Have you actually tried speaking to them properly and getting to know them? Or are you just making surface level judgements of these people?
The other thing is you're studying architecture. That's a privileged position to be in these days given how expensive degrees are, so don't waste it with a constant wave of negativity. If the architecture where you are sucks, so what? I grew up in a total dive of a Lancashire region, that didn't hold back my creative interests or eagerness to learn about the world.
The onus is on you to make the most of this situation. You can spend the next few years complaining about everything if you want, or how about you embrace the situation?
Focus on your health alongside your studies, for a start, eat healthily and get regular exercise. Speak to your GP, too, and see what they recommend. As just wallowing around feeling sorry for yourself won't achieve anything.