Published on 12, July, 2020
I never feel like I quite belong anywhere, including my college. I'm so much more serious than others, even the teachers. Teachers give little guidance and are not knowledgeable, they usually make us give presentations and do research on our own on the internet. Today I asked one if they had recommendations about resources on the internet I could start my researching/googling from, they didn't. My college mates also suck, I tend to want to not think about how much I don't like them but it's true, they suck. They rarely have any passion for what they study, just want to get the bare minimum grade to pass the semester. I keep feeling guilty for not finding anyone likable, tell myself that there's gotta be something there that'll change my mind, but I always get disappointed, then start feeling more guilty.
Anyway, this was supposed to be more about how I'm tired of self learning. I'm just so exhausted from always being the only one who's responsible for my own motivation, and that I always have to guide myself on my own, and that my whole life is spent on the internet because of how it's really the only good source in this godforsaken place. I wish I wasn't so alone and that others were more serious.
Just tired of loneliness in general, keep feeling guilty, like it's my own doing that has made me isolated and estranged. I also have a lot of guilt for being culturally different from the people in my country, I can't help it, I prefer a more American culture, but I also feel guilty.
And if it helps, I'm studying Architecture (something which you need to be familiar with your own culture in, which kinda sucks for me).
I understand what you mean, when i was back in sixthform I didn’t receive much guidance from teachers either so ended up having to teach myself. honestly pushing myself that much wasn’t a good idea since I burnt myself out doing it.
Yeah I've had many burning outs myself and I'm kinda scared of them. Do you feel like you gained enough knowledge and skills like that though? It's really hard to teach yourself effectively I think. Like, do you think what you learnt sufficed?
so have i and they still scare me now. well it was very difficult to teach myself but i did only just manage it. my grades were not too bad with certain things, but it wasn’t healthy for me to teach myself when I had lots to do and more teacher input would have helped. and I took back some knowledge but lacked skills due to the limited resources.
that’s alright. I’m glad it makes you feel better, it’s not good to feel alone and have things bottled up. and I’m surprised they don’t empathise with you on that since not everyone is very efficient in their work, even teachers. we all can improve and learn from constructive criticism. I remember there were many times when I thought my teachers were not teaching me well, since they wouldn’t give me enough advice or enough time to complete essays.
Thanks for the reply. I feel better knowing I'm not alone in this, no one else has ever shared something like this with me, whenever I rant to my classmates about bad teachers they don't really empathize with me. I hope you're doing better now.