finding the nuclear option.

Peter said:

for me, 'acting my age,' would be masking

Then this may be the root cause of the reason you find people move on but you remain behind is possibly your lack of maturing when they do - you are no longer thinking in ways they relate to so you are no longer relevant in their world:

Peter said:

The people I thought I would grow old with when I was younger will forget me, many will not even hear of my passing when it comes. They have their wives, husbands, serious others, a few of them have 'besties' of 'bffs.' Platonic friends they seemed joined at the hip to. Evidently, they all decided that shouldn't be me. Many have just disappeared

You also point out that all these people decided they don't want to be friends - this sounds like a pattern which was why I "condescendingly" suggested there is probably something you are getting wrong in the commonly understood social connection interactions.

I was working from the info you gave and not judging you - merely highlighting what I thought most likely to be what is most likely to give you results when you focus on them.

no offence but I find your asertion a little ... 'condecending.' I have a very good hypothasis for why she told me to stop talking to her. She no longer wanted to be my friend. I wasn't letting the contact drop so just ignoring me wasn't going to work. Neurotypicaly she couldn't bring herself to say she didn't want to be friends anymore, especialy knowing I was depresed and strugeling my self. So she invented an excuse that made her seem like she wasn't being mean or rejecting me, leaving the door open to resuming contact when she was less stressed when she had no intention of doing so.

Meaningfull conections were more plentiful when I was young and hung out with more young people. I remain very imature in my interests and tempriment and the opotunity to be around people like that has dried up. Again perfectly functional hypothosis. You say it's not masking but for me, 'acting my age,' would be masking.

50£ can be a lot of money for some people. But in a month after I've got some things out of the way financially it may be less money.

Peter said:

Change comes from taking action.

I was referring to change in your ability to find meaningful connections.  By moving to a new place and acting in the same way you are unlikely to make much of an improvement, but changing how you behave is much more likely to make an improvement on how people interact with you. The behaviour is the "within" part I referred to.

I'm not talking about masking, but looking into why you are having people tell you to stop talking to them.

Peter said:

They told me to stop texting / ringing them because I was stressing them out. 2

Understanding the rules of the social contract of neurotypicals is most likely to help here and working through where you are failing these with a therapist is where you will find ways to adapt.

Finding a therapist is pretty straightforward - have a look on https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling/england?category=autism

They typically charge in the region of £50/hour so you can budget for this - I think they quote their rates in their profile.

Armed with this self knowledge and understaning the rules better it should be much easier to go out and socialise.

Iain said:

If you change the circumstances, will you be a different person?

That makes no sence. I mean actually I will. I find that me around other nerds who share my interests and sence of hummer is almost a difrent me. That's been my experence. It's part of being an extravert I think. Social interaction recharges me, if it's meaningfull in nature. But even in general if you said to a quadrapleagic, 'will your life really change if you could get up and walk, you will be the same person,' they'd say of course it would.

Iain said:

Change comes from within - in your case you need to learn how to make connections that are meaningful to you, otherwise you are just a name, a piece of data that people would remember rather than a person they care about.

Change comes from taking action. Either my action or someone elses. All the mental gymnastics in the world won't help unless it leads to new courses of action. For instance I've tried volenteering. I never really got close to the volenteers. I got closer to the people I was helping but that was a very unequal relationship. Not really a good basis for a frendship.

I'm open to the idea of a specialist in autistic therapy but it's a mute point because A) I don't know where I'd find one and B) I don't have the money right now.

Tulip52 said:

I have very few people in my life, but some of that is down to me not maintaing contact and reaching out. Im alone. Day after day nothingness. So i try to get comfirt from my home and my dog, kittle things.

I tried being the one to stay in touch. I tried really hard. They told me to stop texting / ringing them because I was stressing them out. 2 years and one politely worded letter later they are still out of contact.

Also I don't really like animals. not in the 'come here and let me pet you' sence.

Peter said:

No councillor can help me. No program of inner healing or self-reflection can fix this mess. I need my circumstances to change.

Have you tried a psychotherapist specialising in autism to work through this? I think you will find this gives way more results than changing your circumstances and expecting something different.

If you change the circumstances, will you be a different person? I suspect not, so why would you expect this to change things?

Change comes from within - in your case you need to learn how to make connections that are meaningful to you, otherwise you are just a name, a piece of data that people would remember rather than a person they care about.

My thoughts would be to start making a positive difference in other peoples lives. Start volunteering for a charity to help those who really need help. Also learn some basics of social interactions to help you understand what is going on around you.

That is a meaningful thing to do and something that is likely to result in people connecting with you and remembering you in the present and in the future.

I am feeling the same. Tired, not belonging, sad, confused. I dont know who i am. I have very few people in my life, but some of that is down to me not maintaing contact and reaching out. Im alone. Day after day nothingness. So i try to get comfirt from my home and my dog, kittle things. I have no motivation. Im done with trying. Its lonely. 

No doubt many of us are soon forgotton  just like we forget ithers. What a strange existence. 

No idea what the nuclear option is sorry. X

You misunderstand, sure after we’re dead eventually we will all be forgotten. My point is nobody remembers me now while I’m alive. And that even my death wouldn’t impact most of them enough to notice.

Hi Peter,

The sad truth is that the majority of the people in the world will live and die, here one minute and then gone the next like a footprint on the beach. Remembered for a time by family and friends but eventually those who knew them are gone too. The ones who are remembered are the famous and infamous people. People who do something big, like a singer or writer, or people who do something so terrible they're written into history forever.

I am like a ghost in the world. I don't exist, no one sees me. As a child I was the same but mentally unwell, I became famous for a time after starting a fire which led to my having to go to a mental health unit but also led to my autism diagnosis. I'm better now but everyone who knew me then remembers me, not personally but for what I did. It won't last, I'm not written in to history but I was seen.

Not in the way I wanted to be.

If you want to exist, be seen and remembered you need to do something that the whole world would love. I would write a book, that seems to be a sure way of being remembered.

Authors make people happy, they bring them joy and authors from over a hundred years ago are still talked about today and their books enjoyed. It should be something you can do without your body failing you too much.

I do writing, it's good for you mentally as well.

Good luck.