Published on 12, July, 2020
This might be a sensitive subject for many.
Please do not take the following question as a personal judgement, I am honestly trying to understand so that I can try to improve my empathy and compassion, and possibly find ways to help people along the way. I also get it if it isn't something you're happy to talk about.
It seems there are many people out there, and on this forum, suffering from low self esteem and self loathing.
Where does this come from?
Does it come from:
I am genuinely interested, as it's something I don't think I have ever experienced.
I'm sure I have had anxiety at times, but I'm not really able to to apply names to feelings, so I don't really know. My partner has said that I can be emotionally insensitive because I try to rationalise everything. But I have also been told that my blunt, rational, and sometimes cynical approach has been helpful at cutting through the noise.
Although I've been bullied, embarrassed, ostracised at times, although life has been difficult, and I can be self critical and insecure, I don't think I've ever felt loathing or worthlessness.
Maybe it's because I'm very insular in my thinking, that I haven't paid too much attention to the real world, and therefore shrugged off much of the sh*t that's thrown at me.
Again, I'm genuinely interested as I would like to understand people better so that I can help people better. But this part of the emotional spectrum is truly a foreign land to me.
I find it sad that so many people are suffering in this way, and like to understand why it is.
Thanks.
For me general anxiety and depression, over stimulation, not being able to process interactions with people fast enough in the moment and just living a life of not being accepted by people.
The constant strange looks when I accidentally say something that is 'socially unacceptable' people telling me that I shouldn't have said this or done that. Rejection from from people of both sexes for reasons that I don't realise until days or weeks later when I realise what I did was 'wrong'.
It all made me so scared of my self in way because my social filter is "faulty" as much as plan scripts in my head when I'm in the moment my brain can't alway access what I need because I'm just trying so hard to be "normal" it causes a lasting impact on how I think about myself I struggle massively with my own identity and not knowing which "side" of me is the real me, I desperately want to be the social Butterly with friends to talk to, go out with, drink with, party with etc etc but at the same time I don't want to be that person because I don't know if that's what I really want and when I'm presented with that opportunity I find my self feeling so anxious about it that I could pass out. So as I said it causes a massive on how I think about myself and it makes me so confused about my self and I hate myself for that because I wish that I could just know what I want but I don't and I don't think I ever will and it affects every waking moment I have.
O, what about just spending some time each day being nice to yourself? Just for a little time each day stop giving yourself such a hard time. Believe me. If you start now, you'll never regret it. Just spending five minutes a day, telling yourself nice things about yourself, talking to yourself as you would a best friend or lover; it's the most important (and enjoyable) thing you can do in a day —and the benefits are immeasurable. The truth is that there is nothing wrong with you. Ever.
thanks Tass I know and I try to do just that but you know how it is I’m sure my mind is just all over the place for no particular reason