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My OH has just been diagnosed

Littlewarbler
over 7 years ago

Hello all,

I'm a 38 year old woman who would like to connect with other people who have ASD partners. My OH was diagnosed last week. Our relationship has been very strained for at least 18 months (we've been together 7 years) and I'm taking anti depressants. I find it difficult to cope with the stress of being the sole breadwinner/carer. I'm on the brink of moving out and could really do with some support or helpful advice. I'd like to try living separately but still be in a relationship. Has anyone here had similar experiences they could share with me?

Thanks x

  • over 7 years ago in reply to Turtle

    Hi Turtle, I've recently discovered the teachings of Richard Grannon - the Spartan Life Coach. He's all about Complex PTSD. I'd also recommend reading 'From Surviving to Thriving - CPTSD' by Pete Walker. Very helpful straight forward advice. I hope you manage to work through your PTSD - it's a horrible thing.

  • over 7 years ago in reply to Hendrow

    Thanks for your reply Hendrow. I'm certainly open minded to not doing what normal society dictates. I'd be interested in how you and your partner will make this work logistically. I really hope that this will be the change we need to make to both be healthy and happy.

  • over 7 years ago

    Do you have any support network?

  • over 7 years ago

    Hi Littlewarbler,

    Sorry to read of your problems.  I have ASC myself and have made the decision not to have any more co-habiting relationships.  I know how hard it can be on the other person.  All of the partners and girlfriends I've had over the years (not a huge number by any means) have not hung around for very long.  My poor ex-wife was with me for five years - the longest by far (months or weeks for the rest) - and I know what hell it must have been for her come the end.  I just find it hard and inhibiting having someone else share my space.  If I had a big enough house where we could have separate quarters - including kitchens and bathrooms - that would be okay.  It would have to be LAT otherwise (living apart together).  It's better for me, of course - but it's better for the other person, too.  I really wouldn't want anyone else to have to make the compromises I need - which isn't to say that I can't make them myself.  It's just that they usually are more than I can manage.  I've tried hard, believe me. 

    When you talk about 'carer', it sounds like your partner has needs which require the assistance of another person.  Is that right?  Would he qualify for some kind of daily support that could give you much-needed respite? 

    Sorry... I know it's not much help.  I wish you well and hope you can find a resolution to this all before it gets worse. 

    Best wishes,

    Tom

  • over 7 years ago in reply to Turtle

    I think it is not about what societal norms dictate, it is about what works for you guys. You have to create! More so than find the solution's, the more understanding there is of everyone, in everything, the better it will be.

  • over 7 years ago

    Well Ive done 27 years , but last 7 years have been with him in his own place, so separate but still kind of together, needed my space and to be able to breathe, only just realised now what ive lived through and have PTSD from the 5 kids and husband , nervous breakdown and all the weight of living as sole everything ... 

  • over 7 years ago

    We are just about to do just that.