Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I'm new on here as from today. My 15 year old son was identified as meeting the criteria for ASD just at Christmas time. Am really just looking for support and reassurance from others in the same position as us. His diagnosis explains a huge amount about his behaviour/personality and development over the years. He himself is much happier to have a diagnosis and just seems to get on with it. I however don't!! It's the summer holidays and he spends most of his time in his room. He tells me he does have friends at school, but he NEVER sees them out of school. Seven weeks holidays and he only ever sees us. He is very content to talk to his dad and I and his brother, he loves family time but I just worry about how much fun he is missing out in the real world. I just feel he could be out there with a friend going to the cinema etc. I've even suggested a friend comes here if that makes him more comfortable but he says he can't be bothered. Up until the age of about 10/11 he was the most sociable wee boy. So, he is coping in his own way, no longer self harms but I just worry about him all the time.
I think this community is going to be very helpful for me. Thank you all.
Hi Westiemum - and welcome
There's such a lot I could say, and I've said it on other forums. I've posted a link to one particular one that's recent and on-going.
Suffice it to say that your son sounds exactly like I was at his age. I'm 58 now and was only diagnosed 2 years ago. My only regret with my diagnosis is that it didn't happen in childhood, which might have made such a difference to me. But there we are - I can't change that now.
I hope the info in the link can help in some way. The details sound very similar.
Take care.
Best regards,
Tom
http://community.autism.org.uk/f/parents-and-carers/9204/being-alone-at-home
Agreed I was diagnosed as an aspie last year aged 45. In some ways I was angry that my mum first suggested it in 2012, she thinks she might be on the spectrum herself tho not diagnosed|, or perhaps it was generally being shy and introverted, where as she thinks of me as more eccentric, and I would say I do have my eccentric side. I know she does say to me "Why can't you be more girlie" , as I do have an interest in railways, aircraft, cars , motorbikes , things with an engine, and I do have an interest in history, some of it military. I recently did an online course about the Cold War and the role of the RAF in it. I was thinking it was interesting as being an 80's teen that for me was when it seemed to reach it's peak. When I mentioned this to my mum her reply was "Can't you do something more girlie?" I can be girlie when I want to, I am equally at home wearing a long flowing dress or a boiler suit depending upon the occasion. I recently helped to service a steam locomotive, and she returned back to steam again this year. I do seek out danger, or maybe I should say thrills, as I;m an adreneline junkie, four times on the waltzer in one day, I would love to do a parachute jump one day.
I think as regards school I tried to fit into the mainstream, tho was bullied. As re work I held down a job for 10 years on the railway, until I got made redundant and became a carer for a disabled husband with MS. Tho the marriage broke down after his care needs came so much I couldn't do it anymore. As regards the railway that was quite something holding a job down for 10 years, tho did have different roles within the railway, and I did wonder how I sometimes got in trouble. Since my caring role stopped I worked for a time in an old folks home on a zero hours contract, rather than a gradual return to paid employment I seemed to end up being given so many hours work, so that came to an end, that was 2006, have done voluntary work in that time, and last year landed a support worker vacancy with Mencap, again a zero hours contract. I can't fault Mencap staff and managers apart from my immediate manager, would send me ambiguous messages, and she was a bully.I gather the DWP sent me for a medical to see if I'm fit for work , as they know I did ESA permitted work. I went to the centre for the medical with a friend, and had to wait two hours to be seen, tho in that time I had numerous panic attacks whilst waiting. Last medical was in 2012, I got zero points, the nurse had lied, had appeal in 2015(appeal was late as the DWP admitted that they lost the paperwork) and was put in WRAG.Nov 2016, just after I last worked for Mencap, I got a diagnosis of being an aspie. As re the latest DWP medical when I was called in the nurse knew my friend, and I think she was familiar to me, she recognised me from somewhere. She had read my notes and my diagnosis letter, and did ask a few questions about my birth which I was 5-6 weeks early, and my mum described it as "traumatic" and I was briefly starved of oxygen. She did say that she thinks I would be better being assessed by a doctor, the only disadvantage is it means me trekking back to the assessment centre , and probably waiting another 2 hours to be seen. She did say it could be useful if I can get some medical evidence dating back to 1971, and my problems at birth. I did ask at the doctors surgery , but they have notes that go back so far 2010, I gather notes before this must be stored somewhere.Oh yes my former WRAG advisor, (just recently finished the Work Programme), put me in contact with Autism (removed by moderator) , and I'm participating in voluntary work related activity, which I think is the way to engage me. It's AB's opinion that if I work now as I want to work that I'm better to stick to voluntary work rather than paid employment, at least for the time being. I've got some voluntary work in a small RAF museum. I'm looking to get into museum/heritage type work, and am testing the water by doing voluntary. OH sorry I've probably rambled on and gone of on a tangent here, but I think my diagnosis does explain alot , and how sometimes I've struggled. I know I can understand logical rules in a workplace, such as on the railway wearing a high vis vest on /near running railway lines, but not if working in a call centre If I said Thank you , bye when ending a conversation, rather than using the long winded opening and closing "correct" response!!!
(This post has been edited by Nellie-Mod because it contained an identifying detail within it, which went against Rule 2 of the Community rules:
"This Community forum is public, so do not post personal or identifying details on it. This includes, but is not limited to, full names, addresses, email addresses and phone numbers.")