Published on 12, July, 2020
Well finally...!
I'm 48, male, and have a history of depression, social (and more generalised) anxiety - which has had me on and off medication and assorted therapy over recent years - including Anxiety management group (not really helpful), CBT (not really helpful), Mindfullness (really quite helpful) and most recently, interpersonal therapy (helpful - though not necessarily in the way it was designe to be). I have considered the possiblilty of autism for around 25 years, but its only in the last fouple of months I have really been looking into the possibility. I have now been referred on by the Interpersonal Therapy team for an assessment and diagnosis - though apparently it could take up to a year for it to happen. In the meantime I am around 95% certain that I have some form of spectrum disorder - since everything falls into place in that context; reading the accounts of others here and elsewhere is like reading stuff I could have written myself; my scores in the various diagnostic tests seem to confirm it; and, to cap it all, I have congenital rubella syndrome (my mother had German measles at about three months pregnancy with me) which physically manifests itself as blindness in one eye.
It seems rather like there should be a large flashinfg neon sign pointing at me saying "well, Duuuuhh!"...
Pending "official" assesment, I am aware of course of the risks of self diagnosis - but the evidence is pretty overwhelming.
So - as a first step in doing something with this new found knowledge - here I am!
Thanks for your reply. Audio is indeed my profession - I've been involved in some way in most areas - but mostly in film sound design. I also teach HE students part time (one of my attempted self therapies) and I try to drum into them eacactly the opposite - i.e. don't fix it in the mix - get it right to begin with! Diagnosis for me will perhaps be useful in meaning I might stop bashing myself over the head (metaphorically - and occasionally literally) about how "wierd" and "stupid" I am - and how I feel about 5 much of the time.
I agree that what will ultimately prove of more practical use is the "comparing notes" with others on sites such as this. One aspect of possible diagnosis that troubles me is the implications it might have in terms of such things as meical disclosure on insurance forms (does it cause a problem with car insurance for example?). It is a disgrace that this should even need considering - but it does. One reason to contemplate going for a proviate diagnosis I suppose would be the better ability to prevent the information getting to my NHS records... There again I am probably over thinking it as I am rather prone to do...
Anyway - again thank you for your welcome - I look forward to "diving in" as you say!
Welcome,
Great username! I've been making and recording music since my punk days many years (decades!) ago - "fixing it in the mix" wasn't quite so easy back them, attacking 8 track tapes with a razor blade.
Your history sounds very similar to my own. I was referred for diagnosis at 45, following many years of treatment for anxiety and depression, and always feeling that part of the cause was something deeper that had always been there, but which I had no name for.
Though getting the formal confirmation has had a few advantages (e.g. dealing with red tape!), it's finding other people who have lived similar experiences which has made the most profound difference for me. The formal counselling I've had since diagnosis has been improved by knowing my real nature better - but people who've been there themselves understand and advise so much better than the "white coats".. Diving into communities like these is one of the best things you can do, in my opinion.
Best wishes.