I wonder if you can help

Hi, concerned sis

Please can you try to understand that AS people will talk to you honestly and very frankly. we might seem to be scathingly critical, and that's exactly what we aren't doing. We're putting facts down, we make no judgements.

I have a Niece with the same thyroid problem. She is NOT AS. She does not behave as your sister does. These are facts that I offer you for comparison, I draw no conclusion.

I'm a diagnosed AS person, and I could tell you the ways that your sister's behaviour mirrors my own. I could even go into a long explanation as to why, but trust me, it wouldn't help at this stage.

Whilst her behaviour might be scary, your sister clearly has issues, although as Coogy says, AS is far from being the only possible answer. I'm afraid that you must either carry on as you are, or somehow persuade your sister that her behaviour is a problem to others and encourage her to help herself by seeking the help of her GP. There is nothing to stop you writing to her GP and listing your concerns - in fact it can be very helpful to know the family's view of a person, as an important aid to diagnosis. If you choose to do this, you must tell her what you're doing, and why.

Be aware that her GP will not discuss matters with you without her explicit consent. Also, they will be unable to 'force' any diagnosis or treatment on her. If she is AS, she is unlikely to grant consent as she will see it as an offensively aggressive attack on herself and her privacy. Tread carefuly, but with the courage of your convictions, your love for her, and your concern for her well-being.

Let's suppose for a moment that your sister is (undiagnosed) AS. If she refuses to acknowledge her behaviour, it's because she's sick of being criticised for it all of the time instead of being understood. Indeed, she could not possibly understand it herself, apart from feeling that 'it's all wrong'. There is no harm in asking her if that's how she really feels - constantly under attack and abuse for being who she is. Your statement about her reaction to what you see as genuine worry indicates this to me very strongly, and the drink is her only 'support' - been there, done that, spilled it down me T-shirt.

You will find much guidance on here about how to talk to an AS person. The fact that you 'tell her to stop' a behaviour that she sees nothing wrong with tells me that you keep approaching the difficulty in the same way, with the same result. There's the clue that perhaps you need to change the way that you talk to her. If you take the advice, and use it on your sister, and it works - there's your sign that she should ask for an asessment. BUT, note this:-

Remember, we're supposing that she is AS. In that case, if you insist on taking the view that she is 'not normal', or nitpicking over her behaviour, you will get the reaction that frankly, you deserve. However, your sister DOESN'T. It sounds to me as if you are genuinely desparate to help, and I thank you on her behalf. Please understand that we are 'supersensitive'. What you might think of as a minor irritation can, to us, become unbearable. If we get enough irritations at once, we start to approach 'meltdown' and there are strategies that we use to deal with that as much as we can. A 'meltdown' looks like 'psychotic' behaviour.

We ARE normal - we are 'normal' AS people, but we are different to most other people, the ones we call neurotypical, or NTs. We do not appreciate NTs' behaviour towards US, any more than you appreciate your sister's behaviour towards you. It's the same, but different - tough to get your head around, huh?

Please use the helpline on here to talk things through with an advisor, but feel free to come back with more information and requests for help, we will always do our best to give it.

You might even choose to offer to show this thread to your sister, and allow her the peace and privacy to consider what we're saying - she's welcome to join in the conversation too!

Our very best wishes, and good luck!

Hi, concerned sis

Please can you try to understand that AS people will talk to you honestly and very frankly. we might seem to be scathingly critical, and that's exactly what we aren't doing. We're putting facts down, we make no judgements.

I have a Niece with the same thyroid problem. She is NOT AS. She does not behave as your sister does. These are facts that I offer you for comparison, I draw no conclusion.

I'm a diagnosed AS person, and I could tell you the ways that your sister's behaviour mirrors my own. I could even go into a long explanation as to why, but trust me, it wouldn't help at this stage.

Whilst her behaviour might be scary, your sister clearly has issues, although as Coogy says, AS is far from being the only possible answer. I'm afraid that you must either carry on as you are, or somehow persuade your sister that her behaviour is a problem to others and encourage her to help herself by seeking the help of her GP. There is nothing to stop you writing to her GP and listing your concerns - in fact it can be very helpful to know the family's view of a person, as an important aid to diagnosis. If you choose to do this, you must tell her what you're doing, and why.

Be aware that her GP will not discuss matters with you without her explicit consent. Also, they will be unable to 'force' any diagnosis or treatment on her. If she is AS, she is unlikely to grant consent as she will see it as an offensively aggressive attack on herself and her privacy. Tread carefuly, but with the courage of your convictions, your love for her, and your concern for her well-being.

Let's suppose for a moment that your sister is (undiagnosed) AS. If she refuses to acknowledge her behaviour, it's because she's sick of being criticised for it all of the time instead of being understood. Indeed, she could not possibly understand it herself, apart from feeling that 'it's all wrong'. There is no harm in asking her if that's how she really feels - constantly under attack and abuse for being who she is. Your statement about her reaction to what you see as genuine worry indicates this to me very strongly, and the drink is her only 'support' - been there, done that, spilled it down me T-shirt.

You will find much guidance on here about how to talk to an AS person. The fact that you 'tell her to stop' a behaviour that she sees nothing wrong with tells me that you keep approaching the difficulty in the same way, with the same result. There's the clue that perhaps you need to change the way that you talk to her. If you take the advice, and use it on your sister, and it works - there's your sign that she should ask for an asessment. BUT, note this:-

Remember, we're supposing that she is AS. In that case, if you insist on taking the view that she is 'not normal', or nitpicking over her behaviour, you will get the reaction that frankly, you deserve. However, your sister DOESN'T. It sounds to me as if you are genuinely desparate to help, and I thank you on her behalf. Please understand that we are 'supersensitive'. What you might think of as a minor irritation can, to us, become unbearable. If we get enough irritations at once, we start to approach 'meltdown' and there are strategies that we use to deal with that as much as we can. A 'meltdown' looks like 'psychotic' behaviour.

We ARE normal - we are 'normal' AS people, but we are different to most other people, the ones we call neurotypical, or NTs. We do not appreciate NTs' behaviour towards US, any more than you appreciate your sister's behaviour towards you. It's the same, but different - tough to get your head around, huh?

Please use the helpline on here to talk things through with an advisor, but feel free to come back with more information and requests for help, we will always do our best to give it.

You might even choose to offer to show this thread to your sister, and allow her the peace and privacy to consider what we're saying - she's welcome to join in the conversation too!

Our very best wishes, and good luck!