Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I have a son who is 18 years old. I guess i've known for a while that something wasnt quite right. He had all sorts of assessments carried out in primary school but they were all academic and all showed that he was above average academicaly but about a year ago, he told me he "felt like a freak" as he was so different from other people in his school year. He has spent a year undergoing all sorts of assessments, he's been told he has social anxiety disorder, may have aspergers, no he doesnt, he's seen psychiatrists, and now waiting an assessment for High Functioning Autism. I need some help and support. He lives in his bedroom, he is doing a 6th form course but other than that he has no contact with anyone. people keep telling me that i am in the wrong for lettting him stay in his room and for not making him go to certain family functions etc. I know that he has panic attacks if he has to face certain situations and Its been noted that he may be depressed. His biological dad asks very little about him, is easier to just let him stay in his room and have no contact with him. My new partner thinks I'm too soft on him and should make him socialise when necessary. I've also been told been I'm uncaring and inconsiderate peoplehave said that one day I will come home and find him "hanging". such comments are almost unbearable and as i type this I am in tears! I feel so alone. I just dont know what to do for the best. I am terrified that I may do the wrong thing and push my son over the edge. I feel he doesnt feel understood as it is and i'm so scared to do the wrong thing. I so need to speak with people in the same boat as me..... I feel so alone and so useless where my son is concerned. I just need some help and guidance.....this is all new to me and i'm trying to cope with it all alone. please help me
My daughter is 16 and has terrible social anxiety. She is very happy with her own company and the television or her tablet. I have tried all kinds of things to get her to go out, but even saying I will buy her something won't persuade her, and she gets really angry if I try to make her go out.
If I do manage to get her to go out at all, because it's essential such when I take her to the dentist or optician, then she is really irritable and gets stressed out by it. She does go to school most days reluctantly but that is all. She refuses to go to any social events.
There comes a point when I don't think you can make them go out if they don't want to, only try to reason with them that it is for their benefit. But I don't know how to make my daughter realise that she needs to go out sometimes or she will find life difficult in the future. It sounds like you have the same kind of problem, and it's hard to make other people understand what it's like.
My daughter is seeing a camhs practitioner, who is also testing to see if she is on the Autistic Spectrum, possibly Aspergers, as she has a number of other issues as well. The practitioner said this site might help with support.
Sierra, It sounds like some people have said some awful things to you about your situation, but try not to let them upset you.
I have had people say to me to 'take a hard line' or 'force her out' but they have no idea how difficult that is.
I am struggling alone with all this as well, and have to try and stay positive, which isn't easy, and tell myself that tomorrow will be a new day to try again.