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Hi I am Joy and I need a bit of advice

Joyful

Is this the right place to ask my question? I am recently diagnosed with something that needed serious surgery and my partner who i think is autistic but undiagnosed has been very difficult - not supporting me emotionally in the lead up, he was amazing them as I was very sad and upset a lot of th ebut as soon as I went into hospital and since I’ve come home.

Now I’m recovering and need his empathy and his literal round the clock care, which he was eventually able to help me with when we agreed I should just write him a list of what I needed him to do.

We keep arguing because I am in pain and I have been less than patient sometimes, but he is giving me no leeway whatsoever so now have the worst fights we have ever had in our years together. I have a theory and I know I play a part in the responsibility too. But I need someone to talk to who might be able to give me more perspectives. 

I have now left to stay with my father because I am not sure I can do this anymore without either me completely crumbling whilst I contribute to the demise of what’s left of our relationship. This is just a summary of the last few days. 

I think he is autistic and he doesn’t want to investigate any diagnosis. Again, I’m sure that’s the way I handled it as I can be very direct. Obviously this is a big change and a high stress situation so i can understand he’s upset with me and wants to talk about my behaviour. that’s logical to him. But the rules don’t apply the same and I am finding it very difficult on top of the other things that have recently happened to also carry him through this too. I’m sorry, I’m just exhausted now. I need help. 

Parents

  • Welcome to the forum.

    You are certainly free to ask what you like.  I can't promise any responses are going to be helpful - it all depends on whether any of us has relevant experience - sometimes anecdotal - that we can share to perhaps assist.  

    The simple fact is that there is no way to compel an adult into getting an Autism diagnosis, no matter how much evidence and belief you have. Indeed, by the sounds of it, it may well be counter-productive in your situation to tell him that he should go down that path if he is so vehemently against investigating the possibility.

    You may be right.  But there it has to end. I suggest you try and find some quiet time to sit down and discuss your after-care, and if he is able & willing to contribute to it.  Perhaps this time apart will allow some re-focusing.

    Recovering from your surgery has to be the priority.  Attending to your relationship and discussing how you'll address issues within it can come later - even if that means with the intervention of a third party, potentially.

    I wish you well.

Reply

  • Welcome to the forum.

    You are certainly free to ask what you like.  I can't promise any responses are going to be helpful - it all depends on whether any of us has relevant experience - sometimes anecdotal - that we can share to perhaps assist.  

    The simple fact is that there is no way to compel an adult into getting an Autism diagnosis, no matter how much evidence and belief you have. Indeed, by the sounds of it, it may well be counter-productive in your situation to tell him that he should go down that path if he is so vehemently against investigating the possibility.

    You may be right.  But there it has to end. I suggest you try and find some quiet time to sit down and discuss your after-care, and if he is able & willing to contribute to it.  Perhaps this time apart will allow some re-focusing.

    Recovering from your surgery has to be the priority.  Attending to your relationship and discussing how you'll address issues within it can come later - even if that means with the intervention of a third party, potentially.

    I wish you well.

Children
  • in reply to overwhelmed & underwhelmed ( O & U )

    Thank you so much for your reply. 

    We are in a very tricky situation. This has been ongoing for 17 years now and we split up, reconciled and as of next week supposed to buy a house together. I will take on the lionshare of that mortgage. I’m not sure I can commit to that - I need a couples counselled so any ideas where to search would help. Time is critical. supposed to close very soon. It’s a nightmare. 

    I really really appreciate your reply. I don’t think I’ve ever been so stressed at what’s supposed to be the most peaceful time I have right now.