• Replies 23 replies
  • Subscribers 74 subscribers
  • Views 3375 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Navigating a recent late diagnosis

AUthenticity

Hello everyone,

Last year at the age of 42 I succumbed to my second severe burnout, which led me to finally look beyond the ill-fitting and incomplete labels of 'introvert', 'INFJ' and 'HSP' and start to accept that autism was the grand unifying theory that made me make sense.

To be honest, I wish I could say that I felt the relief that some report experiencing following a diagnosis. I am still in the early stages of the grieving process, and I am severely struggling to reframe and reorient my life in a way that aligns with this new reality.

There are so many complex reasons why I am finding it so hard. No doubt there is a lot of internalised ableism to de-programme. I also feel like I have spent my whole life levelling up a socially acceptable avatar while neglecting and suppressing myself and my undesirable traits - traits that I that I expected to simply grow out of, or overcome through brute force by changing my circumstances (jobs, partners etc) and therapy to make me 'less sensitive'.

Of course none of these strategies paid off, hence why I am now in a state of burnout and unsure about how to make the transition to a sustainable life post-diagnosis. 

How have other people navigated this turbulent and traumatic time? I don't even know what it's like to be properly unmasked. I don't know how to behave anymore, I'm trapped oscillating between the avatar and a huge question mark.

I have a therapist still, and I have told some close people. But I am not getting the support I need, and I don't think I can plot a course through this on my own without the guidance of people who know what this feels like. It is such a lonely experience, so any advice, guidance or friendship that people can offer would be life changing.

Thank you.

  • Welcome to the site and congratulation on your diagnosis.

    AUthenticity said:
    How have other people navigated this turbulent and traumatic time? I don't even know what it's like to be properly unmasked.

    I saw it as understanding the cause of my condition so it gave me the ammunition to learn about it and find ways to work better with it to reduce my stress levels.

    I'm not sure many of us ever fully unmask as we have to exist in a society that is simply unprepated for us in that sort of form. It scares people when you are too different, too blunt and they are largely simply unprepared to learn about our condition and adjust their expectations to accommodate us.

    At the moment only about 2% of people are diagnosed as autitic (this seems likely to rise to up to 5% in a decade or two as more people are assessed) so expecting the other 98% of population to change for us at this stage is probably unreasonable.

    So it makes sense that to co-exist with the vast bulk of the population we would need to mask at least a bit to integrate with them.

    I used this discovery stage to educate myself, learn ways to strengthen my weaknesses and work out what I was willing to change.

    I used a therapist who was skilled with helping autists (she had 2 autistic grown children so had plenty of experience) and worked through my issues and traumas with her.

    AUthenticity said:
    It is such a lonely experience,

    It is, but by strengthening yourself you have a stronger base to work from in future. You will only ever be able to rely on yourself in life so make sure that person is the stongest they can be, the most capable, the most informed and everything else is just icing on the cake.

    Friendships are a challenging one a later in lite there are typically fewer people willing to make more friends as their live are full by then. Keep at it, be patient and forgiving and some will come along eventually.

    For me a big part was shifting from feeling a victim to feeling in control. Once I made that change it made a massive difference.

  • Hi AUthenticity, I can definitely relate to what you are talking about, having a similar experience a few weeks ago now. Not sure if I was going through some kind of burnout thing but I was exhausted and very anxious/stressed. I didnt really know anything about autism at all and.discovering that I could be autistic blew me away really. It took quite a few weeks to be at more at peace with myself. At first I felt like I was some kind of broken thing and no matter how hard I tried I was never going to overcome some of my issues. I think that was the hardest thing for me. I am slowly re discovering myself again and someways yes it does feel like a backward step but I am feeling overall a lot less anxious and my mind has calmed a lot. My advice would be to take your time, try to be kind to yourself and if you have a close friend/loved one then they can support a lot if you let them

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    I'm really sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time at the moment. It's a process, unfortunately, and can take some time - as it did / is doing for me.

    Burnout

    There's a good NAS article here that might be of some help:

    NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

    There's also some great advice here from a neurodivergent author (who's also a clinician and advocate), along with a link to buy and download her workbook and toolkit if you wish. I suspect these form the basis for her book that's due for release in April. But hopefully this might help in the meantime:

    Autistic Burnout Recovery: How to Build a Recovery Plan

    Post diagnosis

    You might find these articles helpful - they relate directly to a couple of points you made:

    NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis

    NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis including:

    • Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
    • Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
    • Formal support following an autism diagnosis
    • What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough