Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
During another difficult period in my very colourful life I sought out the local mental health team as I was diagnosed with depression at 14 and bipolar disorder at 19. In and out of mental health hospitals most of my life, I didn’t really think it fit me but I lived with it. I thought maybe I just needed a medication adjustment. They removed my bipolar and mental health diagnoses and referred me for an autism assessment. I had this and was diagnosed as autistic aged 41. Meanwhile, I am slowly coming off the medication I don’t need and have been on for 26 years. Heavy stuff over the years. It was a shock. I hadn’t considered autism. My 35 year old little brother was the autistic one, diagnosed at 5. I was the crazy, kooky but sensible one.
I worked during covid and I got PTSD from the things I saw and did, I had EMDR and it was good. I still live with some symptoms. I think my PTSD led to my unmasking and breakdown at work where for the first time I was described as unmanageable and fickle.
I am still off work and waiting for some support as I’m desperate to get back in a redeployed role with some adjustments. I am a registered nurse with experience of prison, police custody and after covid I was a nurse lecturer in anatomy and physiology and clinical skills. It was suggested that academic research and non patient facing roles would be better. I’ve found the tiktok community quite helpful.
I have special interests in the human body, academia, diagnostics, geisha culture, science, astronomy and space. I am a music buff and I love history, etymology and anthropology. I am also interested in true crime, criminal justice, cults and high demand religion. I am obsessed about comedy and a lot of my phrases are from these programs. I think people would say I’m funny.
I notice everything and I struggle with sensory processing and coping with everyday life. I find friends a drain and prefer to keep people at a distance, I always have. I have a strong sense of justice and can be very blunt. I am a kind and good person though. I am very accepting and I hate injustice and unkind people. I like to think critically. I don’t love and I’m not interested in relationships, I have no children. I am bisexual and alternative.
Anyway, that’s me! Hi! I’m quite isolated as I’m unmasking an I get embarrassed about it. I have a sunflower lanyard and an access card but feel weird about using it.
Well done if you read this far! I LOVE Bluey and fidget toys!Blip!
This is a very interesting self portrait that you paint - what a lot to think about there! I was also late diagnosed in middle age - after a lifetime of struggling with anxiety and various other issues. I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with ptsd - I’ve been through that myself and still struggling (though much improved). For me it was due to illness/hospitalisation as a patient - rather than as a medical professional. It’s been a tough few years for so many people - I don’t think it’s recognised enough that so many people are still struggling with the consequences of the pandemic. I’m sorry that you were traumatised by your experiences during the pandemic - it must have been so terrible to have to manage all of that. What’s helped me this year has been studying Buddhism (particularly the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh) - it’s really made such a difference to me. For a while I really thought things would never improve - but they have. It’s taken a long long time though - but I’m so grateful to have made some progress. I’ve recently been looking for fidget toys - can you recommend any and a good supplier? This community is very welcoming. Like you I don’t want to engage in ‘in person’ friendships (other than with close family or people I’ve known for decades) but I find coming on here really positive.
Thank you so much. I’m really sorry that you’ve been through it too. I definitely agree that it’s not really recognised that Covid still affects so many people in various ways. I’m so glad that you’ve found comfort in Buddhist teachings. it’s so helpful to know that things get better and progress is on its way, so thank you ️
oh my goodness! Fidgets!
Be prepared for an info dump
So my first advice is you can get some good deals by signing up to TikTok and using the shops there. I have actually found the TikTok autistic community really great, I just block the things I don’t want to see on there so it’s not too overwhelming. I don’t like social media as a rule but for the advice and fidgets I’ll use tiktok.But there are many websites too, my favourite two are Big Deal Toys and Funky Fidgets Shop. Where if you spend a certain amount you get free delivery.
I started off with sugar/maltose stress balls and I got addicted to the squidge and slow return to shape, then I branched out to different types of sensations and materials. I recommend a tangle, a pop-it ball, liquid motion, dough filled, sand filled, gel filled, water filled, spinners, clickers and pain stim fidgets which are spikey but safe and great for anxiety. The best selling sensory item this year has been the nee-doh nice cube. I have 3!
Quality manufacturers are Schylling and Tobar and they are usually a bit more expensive but last longer (around £6.99). But shop around for the cheapest prices, most places have the same or similar things. And each item can cost around £2 - £5.
I realise this may be a bit much xx I apologise but I needed to tell you everything
thank you xx