Published on 12, July, 2020
I am not autistic but believe my husband may be. We have been married for many years but he moved out several months ago and I was devastated. Talking to behavioural professionals and reading online articles I release that all the issues he has had point to autism. I understand now the stress our relationship has had on him and the stress his behaviour has had on me. But I love him and want to find a way for us to continue to see each other. To do that I need to talk to him about this but I don't know how to introduce the subject. Any suggestions from those of you who have been through this?
Oh boy. Bless you. I realised for myself before I was properly diagnosed. Not sure how I would have reacted had someone else said it.
But at this point what have you got to loose?. You could say it. He could have a light bulb moment. It really could save your relationship.
Or, you could say it, he thinks you are bonkers and ignore you and your relationship is still doomed.
At this point, in your shoes, I'd go for it. Just blurt it out. You have nothing more to loose at this point it seems.
If it's any consolation I sort of have a similar thing. I am autistic and going through a divorse I had no choice but to initiate yet desperately did not want, from a man I actually love deeply. But he is an alcoholic and will not hear me...all I can do is speak my truth and pray he one day hears. He probably never will.
I hope your husband listens. You might be saving him. You might be saving both of you. Good luck x
Dawn said:At this point, in your shoes, I'd go for it.
Agreed - I discovered my autism a few years back when my wife's friend thought of me when watching the Chris Packham documentary "Autism and me".
Watching it myself - I couldn't believe someone else was having the same issues I've always wrestled with. It was heavy-duty stuff.
Perhaps you could find a few "whats it like living with Autism/Aspergers" videos on YouTube that you think closely match your husbands behaviour. Ideally the video would include both the difficulties autists face and the more positive aspects - for the initial video I suggest making sure the autist featured is (apologies for possible PC violation) not too special looking - if you chose "Quasi modo: living with aspergers", he may feel slighted about the comparison rather than focusing on the behaviours etc.
NB: Autism is a spectrum, and every autist has different issues and capabilities - so if the person in the video has some issues that your husband does not - it doesn't neccesarily mean he is not autistic. You are looking for the similarities.
If he is still open to the idea of being autistic you could suggest he takes an online autism test like AQ50: psychology-tools.com/.../autism-spectrum-quotient
Thank you moon. I am feeling more supported and encouraged all the time. But also terrified. I will write it all down so I have something to give him when I talk to him incase he doesn't take in what I am saying at the time. All I need now is to find a moment to brave enough to go and see him but I will.