Published on 12, July, 2020
HI all,
From my perspective, I have found that anger is the most challenging emotion to feel/express effectively and accept in others. I realise anger is an important emotion which is useful in many scenarios but my personal observation is that others sometimes use it to undermine/attack/bully others. This for me is when it becomes unacceptable and traumatising. When I feel anger building in me and I know that I cannot stop it, I am terrified inside as it feels overwhelming for me. I am more comfortable with other emotions but am learning that it is okay to be angry as long as you remain respectful and if you can't you escape the situation or warn the other person the level of anger you are feeling so you can talk later when calmer. I'd like to know of other strategies people use to allow anger to happen and be okay with it. I rarely express anger towards others because it's so built up from years of repression that I would be scared of how it would manifest. I am so used to pushing it down that I now no longer feel it even if another person is fully expressing it right in my face. I tend to disassociate and feel sad about whatever it is that got them to that point of hurt. I see anger as the protective barrier for hurt and trauma.
Thanks for reading, I look forward to gaining more insight into this emotion.
Good post H - I can identify with much of what you say and anger in others is one big trigger for my own anxiety regardless of whether others anger is directed at me or someone else.
1. I now recognize I am getting angry and try my best to repress it or deflect it away. Because we don't got out much and I work from home, the only times I get angry are with my wife or something on TV. I don't want to upset my wife and any anger against her may well be a knee jerk reaction and unjustified so I try and stop it as soon as I can. If it is from the TV or some other source, I try and remove myself from the situation if possible.
2. I get very stressed if I see others shouting (I could never watch Eastenders for instance). If I am the object of their rant then I get angry and start pushing back. Because of a bad time with bullies at school I will not stand being bullied by someone now. Fortunately this has not happened in years so it's a bit of a moot point really.
3. Anger has it's uses but I think we need to learn a bit of self control if possible however I know I get angry at such silly things and despite my best efforts, I can't seem to stop myself. Another ASD trait I suppose.
4. Can't say I do this now but I have used anger as a defense in the past for sure.
5. No repressed anger these days except sometimes from a political/justice point from something in the news etc. When I have had it in the past, then exercise or sport is the best way to deal with the feelings I have found.
6. I feel some of my anger is unacceptable because I recognize that it is reactionary in nature and not always logical. If I could be certain I was 'right' I would be happier but as I get older, I know I am often not right or my memory is muddled so I check myself before letting the anger go.
Looking forward to seeing what others have to say on this.
Paul said:Looking forward to seeing what others have to say on this.
Thanks for sharing! You sound similar to me in many respects. I look forward to hearing more perspectives. :-)