Introduction

Hello there!

My name is Cornelius and I'm a 28-year-old from the United Kingdom with autism (specifically Asperger's). Although I was formally diagnosed as a child, this is my first time opening up about my condition in a public forum.

As far back as memory serves, I always knew that I was different from the other children of my childhood. Despite not necessarily understanding how at the time, I acknowledged that I possessed a different way of thinking, feeling and behaving than my neurotypical peers. As such, I grew up envying their seemingly unencumbered lives as I struggled for years to fit in, obstructed by an invisible barrier of crippling social anxiety and an ever prevalent lack of self-esteem. In the years that followed, I began to harbour a deep-seated resentment for my abnormality, blaming it for my chronic deprivation of social acceptance. Yearning for the approval of my peers, I learnt to mask my neurodivergent characteristics to fit their neuronormative standards of behaviour. Consequently, my condition became something of a secret that I felt deeply ashamed of. Furthermore, maintaining my neurotypical facade proved only to be a challenge in itself, the rewards of which, in exchange for years of suppressing myself to the uncomfortable conformity of my peers, offered little more than a few moments of cold comfort at best.

Evidently, it has taken me until now to realise that, rather than struggling to fight my condition, I should have instead learnt to improve my understanding of it, and by learning to accept my label of autism, I can effectively learn to accept myself.