Undiagnosed and not sure

Hi, I'm new here,

I'm undiagnosed and wondering whether autism is a possibility for me? I've always felt 'different' to the people around me but never been sure why.

I don't remember much from childhood, from what I know I wasn't a particularly late talker and I was of average intelligence in school. No real red flags to suggest anything was 'wrong'. I do however remember being extremely shy. I wanted to talk, but I just couldn't. All through primary, high school and even college. Every single parents evening in school it was 'She's doing really well with her work but she needs to talk more.'. It really frustrated me because they were telling me to talk more and I couldn't. I was fine at home and with the couple of friends I had, but aside from that I just clammed up. If I was asked a question I would answer, but I couldn't just talk if someone didn't speak first. I've recently heard of selective.mutism so I'm questioning if that's what it was or if it was just shyness. No one ever seemed to think it was anything more than shyness... Another quirk I remember was writing a list for when I went to the park of what I would play on and in what order. I did that several times, not much with our local park but more when I went to a new park. I never really had any 'special interests' from what I remember. Always struggled to make and keep friendships.

Now as an adult I feel like when I communicate I'm just saying what I think I should be saying. It's like I'm talking but I almost feel like a robot. I don't always connect with what I'm saying, I feel like I'm just trying to 'fit in' and not mess up. I also don't do eye contact, I either look at people's lips or their nose. When I hear other people talking they sound so adult and grown up and I almost feel like a child stuck in an adults body. For context, I'm 30. 

I just don't know what to think. I've done the AQ test and scored 30. I know there's something 'different' about me. That's for certain. It's frustrating not knowing what it is. Nobody has ever mentioned or suspected autism and I sort of don't see it myself either? Although in certain areas I do. But then what else explains the way I am?

Sorry for waffling, if you've read this far than thank you so much <3