Published on 12, July, 2020
My 18yr old son was diagnosed with high functioning autism when he was 11yrs old. He is now asking us to find him a cure for his autism and gets cross when he tells his friends how he feels and finds them unable to understand why he hates being autistic. Today he asked us to get him a second opinion as he is refusing to acknowledge that he is autistic now. He is currently having counselling for a separate issue that he has been on a waiting list for for a while and he has been calmer since starting counselling. His meltdowns have also lessened but this denial seems to have replaced that. I am just wondering if anyone has been through a similar issue, either themselves or with a child? If so any advice with how to handle this?
Thanks
Your son is clever and that is worse than being stupid, He has recognised that himself having autism is going to make thing harder a lot more harder. He has already started noticing that he is starting to fall behind the rest of his age group emotionally and mentally which you can't probably understand and it's frustrating enough. Know i have pointed it out to you are going to recognise it more and more often.
From experience when you hit that age making friends become impossible challenge, most of your friends from school and college fall out of touch or leave you because they seem to emotionally develop a lot faster and go on to do stuff. The most noticeable thing i started to recognise when i hit that age was people my own age group obtaining their driving licences, Moving out of their parents home, Travelling and starting amazing job opportunities while i was struggling to find work and figure out what i wanted to do and what i could do.
It's hard not to compare yourself to those you went to school with, It even harder when other people start comparing you with others of your same age group. from experience when you have autism and the right support just isn't their or you come from a bad family environment those challenges and age appropriate milestones become harder to achieve.
Sometimes you feel shame and because your autistic it takes you a lot longer to recognise your own emotions. That shame is from feeling that you let the people around you down, That you are going to be a constant burden on family members and that in order to achieve certain milestones in this day age you going to have to ask to be financially supported and if your family help you with the cost of driving lesson and you fail the pressure is unbearable. Be prepared for their mental health to start deteriorate and it also important to not put pressure on your son and let him develop at his own speed.
You as the autistic individuals start questioning how you are ever going to be able to be independent and worry about how financially your going to be able to manage and afford to catch up to the rest of your age group. I am twenty four years old and i still haven't managed to obtain my driving licence, Move out of my childhood home and maintain a job for longer than six months and their have been many attempts and fails and i come from a very backwards thing and abusive family background.
When i first figured out i was autistic at eighteen i was angry, I didn't get diagnosed until i was twenty two. I have experienced workplace bullying, discrimination and physical assaults and harmed as a result of my autism and possible ADHD which i wish was not common with autistic individuals. I couldn't explain to people in a way they could understand and when i said autism or aspergers they took on look and stated i don't look autistic and people dismissed it or deliberately set me up to fail.
I have noticed a lot recently that people treat you awful when they find out you have autism and it usually when people are alone with you, i have even noticed my CV being binned straight after the interview because i had mentioned i have autism, I have had a spiteful therapist and counsellor who shamed me during session and compared me to people they know with autism and managing or to online autism ambassadors and somedays i wish their was a cure but there is not.