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34, diagnosed yesterday, hello!

Fraiselongue

Hello,

I'm generally nervous about posting on forums and replying so I thought I'd throw myself in.

13 years ago, whilst having an awful time studying to become a teacher on a PGCE course, I read about ASD and realised that I had it. I took lots of online tests and was shocked to score so highly but never felt able to join in with the autistic community as I wasn't diagnosed and was too scared to seek a diagnosis.

Recently, we have been in a better position financially so my husband agreed we could invest in a private assessment (waiting lists are 2 years here). I was incredibly nervous beforehand but the two psychologists were lovely. The assessment was yesterday. It was exhausting so I've been in bed all day today, but finally having a diagnosis feels very good.

I have told a few people but I'm feeling anxious about sharing my diagnosis with some people as I fear a negative reaction. Either "don't be ridiculous" or "that's why you're such a ****". I'd be really interested to hear how people have shared their diagnosis and what the reactions were.

The worst I have had so far was "It's a good job you weren't diagnosed as a child as you would have been written off as disabled". My twitter friends on the other hand have either said "I hope they can help you now" (as in, you have a problem that must be fixed") or "Congratulations, now you can be you".

Thanks for reading 

  • in reply to aidie

    Thank you so much for the reply. It's funny because for years I've sneakily looked at ASD information and forums as if I were looking at something forbidden, as I was a fraudulent aspie at the time! It's nice to do it "honestly". YouTube videos really appeals to me as I don't know any autistic people in real life (I'm sure I've met many but none diagnosed). Being able to share little issues and things will be nice.

    I have told my Mum, husband, daughter and a few close friends (telling people online is so much easier!) but my biggest worry is extended family and people like my next door neighbour who I see often and has talked in a negative way about autism in the past. There's no rush I guess. I won't get the full report for 2-3 weeks and will no doubt have lots to digest.

    Emotionally it was tricky because I found out half an hour before I needed to collect my daughter from school so I really wanted a big cry and couldn't. I'm hoping I can read the report on a day when I can work through some of the feelings.

    Thanks so much for welcoming me. It seems really nice here. X

  • Hi Amy.

    I would second 's advice to allow yourself some time to let the diagnosis sink in before telling too many people, unless you're put into a situation where mentioning your autism is the last resort for explaining a specific problem. It's not unusual for people receiving a late-diagnosis to go through cycles of feeling very differently about their diagnosis - everything from despondency at life's missed opportunities, through to elation at finally comprehending some of life's mysteries. This is perfectly normal, and many people here have been through it themselves and will be ready to help you along the way.

    I have long given up on trying to predict which people will react in which ways to disclosure of my diagnosis - there have been deep disappointments from people who I believed would be glad that I could move forward, and likewise, totally unexpected kindness from people I have dreaded having to tell (or even from complete strangers.) I have found that, for the most part, it's better to highlight how specific traits affect specific problems - e.g. I'm nipping outside for a breather because "I'm the kind of person that" finds loud noise oppressive. I've been pleasantly surprised at how effective this tactic can be.

    If you bring up autism, you have to be prepared to handle people's misconceptions, or even just their polite curiosity - which often can't be satisfied by the trite sound-bite that the other person is usually expecting. And, of course, to be able to deal with those kind of questions, you need to be comfortable with your own, private understanding of autism and how it affects you (I guarantee you will discover a multitude of ways it's affected you that would never have crossed your mind pre-diagnosis - forum members talk often of having "aha" moments while they're here!)

    On a more positive note, I have found that even people who react negatively at first often do come around to a more sympathetic approach if I take the "softly, softly" one trait at a time approach - i.e. tackling the misconceptions about autism a little at a time so that they gradually see a clearer picture. This works much better, I find, than just naming a diagnosis for which they'll envision all sorts of stereotypes, or overwhelming them with an "info dump". The stubborn few who don't respond to this, I've quietly withdrawn from, or at least avoid the subject when I'm around them - there's nothing to be gained other than exhaustion if you try to argue with a brick wall!

    Best wishes.

  • Hi welcome

    Dont be afraid here. We all want to hear your experiences.   wait a while before u share you diagnosis. I was in an unstable state for a week afterwards a month later I am a but better --- I let my immediate family know immediately but have only told my direct line manager in my office. I too am afraid it will somehow be used against me.  Having got my diagnosis has given me an inner feeling of peace. After being diagnosed I went on line and learnt as much as possible about ASD and associated disorders. Also youtube and Ted x has loads of life experiences by people of all sorts on the spectrum. I look for how to handle situations and how other auties/aspies view the world, other symptoms that have been missed etc . Anyway please dont worry you will be fine I think to know helps.  Share your thoughts here.