Coping with my partner.

My girlfriend suffers with Asperger's Syndrome. I would just like to have some additional support as although I am coping okay with them at the moment, I feel as though I am not doing enough and need to be more "clued up" on the whole situation. 

This is my first time being in an intimate, committed relationship with an autistic person and I understand that not everyone with AS suffers the same and each individual will be different and need different things in order to function as best as possible. I guess the struggle with Ash (my girlfriend) is that they find it very difficult to open up to me when they're feeling stressed or just not 100%. Me myself, finds it difficult to pick up on when they feel like this, as they tend to mask it with trying to be "normal" and I'm basically just crap at sensing when they need me to just leave them alone and let them get their thoughts together. One way I have tried to solve this problem is by setting up a traffic light system, for example when Ash is feeling good and not at all stressed, they are GREEN. When they are feeling a little on edge and a meltdown may occur today or in the next couple of days, they are AMBER. When they are feeling really stressed to the point where a meltdown is imminent, they are RED. I ask every day how they're feeling and they will respond to me with a colour which lets me know if they're okay or if they need me to help in some way. This has massively helped our communication, however when I am present during a meltdown I struggle to know how to comfort Ash and get them through it to the best of my ability. I wondered if there was another or better way we could improve our communication?

Another thing I struggle with is giving myself some space from Ash. We spend A LOT of time together, don't get me wrong, I love them and I love spending time with them. A lot of the time I want to sew myself to them so I don't ever have to let them go! I know that this can be overwhelming for them as I know that alone time is super important for both of us, the problem is that I get very worried about Ash when I'm not with them. Even when I'm at work I get a certain amount of separation anxiety because I want to protect them constantly from bad things that may occur over the course of the day. Do you have any ideas on how I can combat this?

From my past relationships, I have learned that I am a highly intimate/affectionate person. I love being hugged and held and touched as I find it comforting and makes me feel safe and I feel a much stronger bond with my partner. It's exactly the same with me and Ash, they know I love being hugged and touched and a lot of the time we do do this but sometimes they don't want to, which is absolutely fine the majority of the time. However, with my anxiety, I sometimes overthink situations and build up thoughts in my head which, unfortunately, is totally out of my control. When I have an anxiety attack, the only thing that will get me through it is holding onto someone I can trust until the feeling passes because its where I feel the most safe. If Ash is feeling sensitive on one of these days it can make it very tricky for the two of us to communicate how we're feeling and often ends up in us both getting frustrated with each other, which ultimately makes us both worse.

I really appreciate you taking the time to read through this email and any guidance from you would be very gratefully received.