Published on 12, July, 2020
I am so unhappy at the moment. The reason is money, to be specific budgeting!! I am so rubbish at it, (I am on the benefits system AGAIN!) I make the same mistakes over and over again. (Decade after bloody decade!! Fortnight after Fortnight!!) End up running out of money, and having to either borrow some money or sell something (like a junkie.) Its like a OCD thing, a compulsion to wreck things financially whenever I can.
The problem is I am now feeling so low, negative and wishing I was dead. Is this common with people who have Aspergers syndrome? I want to cry, I want to die, I want to poke myself in the eye. I don't self harm other than over-eating, or eating food that upsets my bowels and stomach.
Do you know is this is something I can be cured of? It does not bode well for a good future for me, yet I am positive it is a brain malfunction thing. I so want to do better, I just can't I don't know how. It is so damn frustrating, it is driving me to tears literally!!!
Am I the only one who suffers like this? Where should I turn to for help with this? Can anyone really help me??
And so...
Although as @Quirkyfriend says depression is a common bedfellow of autism it is not inevitable and it can be tackled and it can be a temporary passing condition.
Have you tried CBT or anything like that before? It gets mixed reviews on this forum but I for one believe that it is the best way of tacking depression - it is the recommended therapy for people with autism and depression.
And another thing...
If you haven't already come across it, the Recovery Letters website is a thing that you might find encouraging http://community.autism.org.uk/search?q=%22recovery%20letters%22
recombinantsocks 32 minutes ago
Recombinantsocks, what do people call you for short? With me it is often H. lmbbao .
But seriously though, I feel both suicidal and depressed, more often than not. (On a daily basis.) Please allow me explain. I have only 'acted upon' those thoughts once in my life, intended ironic puns. I am glad to report that I failed miserably in my suicide attempt. I am laughing thinking about the ramifications now. Its not like buying some shoes and changing your mind about the colour afterwards.
The suicidal thoughts/feelings, I describe as the difference between vomiting and nausea. One is feeling sick, the other is being sick. Thus thinking as opposed to doing. I believe this is somehow tied in to my Autism. (My analogy - My definitions. Poetic and Creative Licence's both in use here.)
The depression is again something that I think about, especially when I have 'failed' at something, particularly repeating the same mistakes over and over again. (Thats me, Folks.)
I am sure that it is tied to what I eat, when I eat, why I eat too. I will be going back to the hospital soon, to see the specialists about my stomach, intestines and guts soon. I have been told that the gut is the second brain?
What are your thoughts on this?
sox is nice and short :-)
Thinking about your depression is never going to be a good thing. This is a statement of the obvious rather than advice to go and think about something else. If you could think about something else you would so it is obviously a piece of advice that is worth almost nothing.
An autistic life can take you to dark corners as I said before. But also, an autistic mind might not be the most stable and considerate of minds. I don't know how one can really know whether one's black dogs come with the life or with the autistic mind. In my case I have got to a happier frame of mind - my father on the other hand never let the dog go. I suspect that our minds were more similar than I ever thought when he was alive so I suspect that a lot of people who think that they have a chronic condition have not managed to let the dog go and run free.
Food/intestines is thought to be a link to autism. Dr Wakefield was chasing that idea when he decided to fabricate his evidence about MMR etc. The fact that he was found to be fabricating evidence does not mean that there is no link between some people's autism and their guts. I have been aware of my autism for 3 years now and have thought about the food connection quite a bit but by no means sure that I can change my thoughts by changing my diet. On the other hand, a healthy diet (whatever that is!) is likely to make anyone feel better so I think that being good to your self via your stomach is a good move.