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Lost after diagnosis

nm

I'm a 43yr old woman. I've suffered from depression and other associated mental health issues most of my life. I finally got assessed last week and was told that I was on the spectrum. 

I thought I would feel relieved. My whole life I've been confused by social interaction, and told by everyone that I just needed to try harder to be social. I was resigned to being socially awkward, and now I know, at least, that there's a reason behind it, and thought maybe I could cut myself a break now. I think, very probably, that it's been the cause of my depression too. I don't really know anything about Asperger's but it seems to make sense.

I don't really have much social interaction. I have a dog and I have to talk to other dog walkers every day but only briefly. I work at home and don't go out otherwise. I have two friends that I usually speak to on the phone once a week.  Otherwise I have friends online that I write to.

This last week though, I find myself analysing everything I'm saying. I realised that 80% of my conversation to my friends is me not understanding an aspect of human behaviour or them having to explain stuff to me. It's making me really self conscious. 

I haven't been able to bring myself to tell my family yet. They live far away, and I feel like they won't be supportive anyway. 

I thought getting diagnosed would help but right now I feel even more isolated. I don't want to talk to anyone. I really hoped this would make things better, but I don't know how to make that happen.

  • Hi nm,

      You may wish to read this, (community.autism.org.uk/.../nt-happily-married-wonderful-man-who-just-happens-suffe but also understand that coming to terms with a diagnosis and it's implications, takes time and that it's probably good for you to do this in your own time, so don't feel pressured to share, until you are ready.

    Contemplate contact with a local Autism network for support, if you havent already been directed to one. Meeting others from your 'tribe' can be extremely helpful.

    Take Care

    Coogy

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Firstly, welcome to the forum :-)

    There are lots of people of all ages here who have been through the trauma of diagnosis. For myself, it was a revelation that explained a thousand puzzling things that have happened to me over the years. For others, it is harder to take in and it is a real shock.

    Some people feel angry about it and they blame it for damaging their lives. There isn't much to be gained by looking back at what might have been but there is much more sense in working out what it means for you and working out how to use the knowledge to be more comfortable with your future life.

    Depression and other mental issues often follow from autism. This is often due to the solitary lives that many people end up living. You can learn to break down your isolation and allow yourself to become less lonely (I'm guessing that you might be feeling lonely - but I may be wrong?)

    Be kind to yourself and try to see this as a new beginning. Don't force yourself to do things that you aren't comfortable but do challenge yourself to try new things. Some of the new things you do will work well but some you will decide not to try again too quickly!

    Female people on the spectrum often have different experiences to males on the spectrum but there are lots of things in common. History has meant that a lot of the books are oriented to the typical male with Aspergers/autism but don't let that put you off as there are also some very good books on the female perspective.