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smoking

NAS84324

i don't mean to sound like a ***- i just really need to let it out. 

I'm a university student and people are always always always smoking and/or vaping. 

my whole life I've been taught that this is just really detrimental for your health and i also have pretty severe health anxiety- i hate that I'm like this. being as healthy as i can kind of matters a lot to people and i get quite sick easily. the idea of actively shortening my life eg. by having a cigarette kind of scares me. 

since coming to university, my autism often makes me feel like an outcast. I've wanted to fit in as much as possible. 

this part isn't about autism but the fact that i'm a non- smoker also makes me feel like i'm set apart further. i feel ashamed of myself whenever i have to mention i am not a fan of cigarette smoke at all. i'm still overthinking a conversation i had about me volunteering for somewhere and person mentioned about people smoking and i said that and she said that most people are smokers and now i feel bad.

i don't really know how it started- maybe it's the smell of it or what but i feel extremely angry whenever i see people smoke. so many people smoke here. i get that it's really addictive- i struggled against a self harm addiction for a couple years and it's hard to get out of such addictions. 

i can imagine that smoking is a relaxing behaviour and sometimes i wonder what it may feel like. 

i'm a long distance runner and i also know it'd really impact my ability to exercise and also it appears like a very expensive habit. 

having said that, the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that so many people vape. vaping was initially designed to help people quit smoking and now people vape without ever smoking. it bothers me how people read the packaging that says this may be addictive and continue or the fact that the long term implications of vapes are yet to be found out as it's a new thing. i feel as though people are slowly damaging themselves. i have this irrational fear of everyone dying around me. 

i have conflicting thoughts which i don't understand. 

especially when they're people i care about but in general. but it's like i feel so angry at the people themselves for smoking and i hate myself for saying i don't like it. i feel like the entire world is judging me. 

sometimes i wonder if the only way for me to overcome this is to pick up a cigarette or vape myself but they're so expensive, i have social anxiety going up to the counter to ask esp as i don't know what I'm asking for nor do i know how to smoke or vape nor do i like the smell. 

  • in reply to 🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs

    I've had several attempts at quitting over the years. When my dad became terminally unwell a few years ago, I started to switch over to vaping. The idea being that I would then ditch the cigarettes, and gradually reduce the nicotine content of vaping liquids to 0%. It was all going reasonably well until my dad died, which resulted in me smoking like a chimney again. 

    I try to be quite strict with myself in that there's only one room in my home that I will smoke in (my kitchen). Therefore, if I'm binge-watching a load of stuff on TV in my lounge, I don't smoke. I really need to stock up on vaping supplies so that I can get back to weaning myself off cigarettes.

  • I don't smoke. The health risks put me off and so does my smell, though I did try a smoke when I was still at school - curiosity I guess. 

    The result was uncontrolled coughing, I felt sick and I think I was actually sick as well lol. That was after the first puff Stuck out tongue closed eyes

    Glad no one was there to witness my graceless attempt at smoking. 

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    Thanks Sparkly, I'm sorry to hear you still are smoking yourself and regret it, I hope you can kick it too, I have faith in you, tbh I think the autist determination helps quite a bit when quitting, it's not easy but not impossible either. It's just the first 3 weeks will feel like the worst 3 weeks of your life whilst the chemical part of the addiction wears off, after that it's just maintaining the habit of not reaching for the cigs. (Get lots of knick knacks to keep your hands busy in the mean time etc.)

  • it's your choie i'm 19 a college student and i did vape for 1 day then stopped because i'm muslim it's your choice to smoke or vape i'm not judging you . 

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    The way that things change. I use to be a taxi driver and when i first started i put a No Smoking sign in my Cab. I felt it wasn't worth  getting into an arguement if a passenger lit-up, but i would ask them to open a window if they had to smoke. Most smokers were fine and said ok, but a few took offence that i should even have a sign in the Cab, and reported me to the Hackney Office.  I was made to take the sign down, and was told, not to ask passengers to open a window.......... All these years later, signs are everywhere and smokers accept.

    I remember one man in particular, he got really annoyed, screaming i had no right, he reported me. I picked the same man up many times over the years, and he changed to a NonSmoker. He'd had a heart attack and the hospital told him he had to stop. After that whenever he got into  my Cab  with his family or friends, he'd say to them .......... You see this driver here, he saved my life, he made me realise  how bad the cigs were for me. He made me stop so saved my life ......... It was always quite embarrassing. for me.

  • I'll be honest and admit that I am a smoker, but I tend not to do it when I'm out in public because I'm well aware that many people don't want stinky cigarette smoke wafting in their direction. Despite the fact that I smoke, I find the smell of tobacco smoke revolting (yes, I know that might seem strange for a smoker to say). Whilst I consider the vapour clouds from vaping to smell considerably less revolting, I can fully understand why many people do not welcome the ridiculously large vapour clouds they produce.

    Like Sam has stated, taking up smoking is one of my biggest regrets. When I was young, tobacco companies were allowed to advertise their products on TV and in magazines. Smoking was considered a 'cool' thing to do, but it really, really isn't. Whilst there are many smokers that have found vaping to be an effective method of quitting smoking (a good thing), I think it's crazy that there are young people that aren't smokers that decide to take up vaping.

    Never feel that you are at fault for telling anyone that you don't like being around people who are smoking or vaping. If they have an issue with it, it is their problem, not yours. Relaxed

  • NAS84324 said:
    she said that most people are smokers

    Nah she just said that because she wants to believe that. Smokers are on the decline and I'm pretty sure (because I used to be one) that they tell themselves any and all kinds of bo**ocks to feel less bad about themselves while they are still in the addiction.

    Trust an ex smoker who's not too proud to admit the error: The reality is when you smoke you have worse health, waste money, and your clothes stink.
    Don't let them suck you in, starting smoking was one of my biggest mistakes, and quitting smoking one of my best decisions.

  • I hope this reassures you: less than 15% of the population now smokes - trad ciggies anyway. Whoever said 'most do' is just plain wrong. Please don't feel judged, as there are many, many people who feel the way you do.