Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve been struggling with an issue with a neighbour for the last few years. I’ve been going through emotional rollercoasters where I go from figuring I can learn to ignore it and that I still want to stay in my flat to fretting that I want to leave.
The neighbour lives across from me and he gets irritated and pissed off at me for... coming and going from my flat. I’m not even exaggerating. He’s called me many names through the years, he bangs on his door loudly when i am coming back or going out. He has told me he wants me to leave. He has moved garden furniture so it was around and facing my window like having an audience around my windows. He has left leaves and bits of paper outside my door. Our flat doors lead to a corridor in a building, just mentioning because otherwise the obvious answer to the leaves thing is “Isn’t that just leaves falling from the trees and the wind”I know all these things sound small but its the accumulation of everything that eventually gets to me. It’s his blatant lies when people have confronted him about it, its the mind games he plays. I thought i’d Started to deal with my anger and anxiety towards all this stuff, but today after he did something, only a tiny thing really but still....I found myself agitated and distressed by this whole situation.
I’m currently staying at my parents house because my flat has just been redecorated and i’ve Been staying here while its been getting done. Also been staying while i wait for the smell of the paint to die down a bit not just for myself but for my pet Budgie. I went back today to sort a few things out in my flat, getting it ready to probably go back this weekend. But i’ve Just come back to my parents feeling helpless about this whole thing. The flat looks good. And i got to choose the colours so its been really personalised. And now I just feel like refusing to go back. I don’t know what to do. This break from having to deal with him only seems to have heightened my anxieties when I am back there. Its not really ideal for me to move back here to my parents, its just not practical. But I dont feel like i can move anywhere else because of the support i get where I live. I feel like I wont get it anywhere else. I wish I could just ignore him like I keep being told to do. But that irritates me too. Because its like all the responsibility is being put on me while he just behaves however the hell he wants and gets away with it. Partially because he’s so sneaky about what he does. And partly because apparently what he does isn’t enough for anyone to do anything about it. I just feel helpless. The managers of the place I live in are useless. The support workers understand to some extent but their hands are tied they dont have the power to do anything about it other than relate everything back to the useless managers. They pay me lip service where the say things like “We’re taking your complaints seriously and we’re sorry you’re going through this.” But they dont do anything. at least not as far as I can tell. They wont give me the most basic of feedback of what they might do, or might be doing about the problem.
I keep thinking maybe i’m The problem. And for a while i’ll Calm down and tell myself i’m Making it all seem worse than it is. But I’m anxious to leave my own flat and I feel like I have a quota for how many times a day I’m allowed to leave my flat before he’ll be angry at me for opening my own door! And it’s not like i spend my days going in and out constantly. My quota on good days seem to be three times. On bad days I only need open my door once!
Oh 1 more thing dont engage in his behaviour. I explained to the officer that I yelled at him when he targeted my son.
Just to add, call 111 not 999. Just call for advice and write down what hes done so far (keep a diary if possible) just explain what hes doing, how you feel, explain he is sneaky etc as you said. I find writing things down is useful as i often forget
Hi I used to feel trapped but eventually it escalated quite scarily so I called 111. I was suprised they sent a police officer straight round as I'd only called for advice but turns out this man had a history of being accused of rape! I just called police explaining a few of the things he had been upto. I was scared to leave the house.
He would follow me down the road and block my path. Let my tyre down then told me. Stand across the road (just trees over there) staring at my house, calling me 'mental health', telling me to leave as no one likes me! (Now know its him no one likes as hes a known bully), block in my car, walk slowly past my house staring in, stop his car outside my house and stare in. He was quite sneaky but got caught twice following me after a course of 3 years. He had a wife, she begged for us not to go to the police as wofd fot out. Stupidly I listened. He targeted my son, also ASD but he was 8 years old or so. That 1 time targeting my son I called 111. This stopped until recently he followed me in his Car! (His wife's died and I guess hes forgotten) I spoke to the council and now leave my bins out the front of my garden so I dont get followed. We had a council worker call to the house saying we have to leave the bins at the end of the road in the secluded area! I called the council to check and it was a bogus caller! I should have called the police now its started up but I decided to leave it. One more slip up I'll call them again and go for a restraining order. His family are very rough so he feels protected by them. They scratch names on peoples cars, set fire to houses etc but appart from this I feel safer here so refuse to move. Directly next door I've struck up a genuine friendship and next door to them also. I've had terrible luck in the past with the worst neighbours.
That won’t work in my situation. our flats reside in the same building and we have buzzers which are pressed outside the building. I’m not allowed to put a camera up in a communal area. They have caught him on CCTV already up, but they still do nothing.
According to the police he’s not committing a crime. Because slamming and banging on doors while annoying isn’t a crime. I keep being told that he’s not done enough for it to be considered seriously enough. He hasn’t done anything physical towards me. A lot of what he does is done in sneaky ways too, he’ll shout names at me from behind his door. Which i then get asked to “Prove its towards you”
By letting him get away with it, he's being taught its ok to treat you like this.
The most appropriate course of action is:
1. Log all of the incidents in a diary
2. Try and gather as much evidence of these incidents as possible, such as the door bell camera
3. Follow the complaints procedure of where you live
4. If you are unhappy with the final response to your complaint got to the housing ombudsman https://www.housing-ombudsman.org.uk/residents/make-a-complaint/
My sister had a neighbour like this, she'd been terrorising anyone who moved into that property for years. This included cutting down the washing line if she had clothes drying. She complained to her HA and kept going back every time anything happened. The problem neighbour was given a final warning, which then led to a complete U turn and she's now a perfect neighbour.
Caligula Would Have Blushed said:Get yourself a doorbell camera and catch him in the act.
7 best video doorbells to add smart security to your home
https://www.independent.co.uk/extras/indybest/gadgets-tech/best-video-doorbells-a9135211.html
Get yourself a doorbell camera and catch him in the act.
Hi! I’m really sorry to hear that you’re having to go through this! Your neighbour seems like a complete bully! His behaviour sounds like harassment! Maybe keep a log of his behaviour and report him to the police? Even if he doesn’t get charged, it might at least scare him off a bit so that he leaves you alone, hopefully!
I am wondering if his behavious could be considerred stalking, personally I think you need to make a log of these events and maybe approach the police and explain the situation and harrasment.
I really hate people in the world who act like this and affect caring and considerate people like yourself. I have had a kind of similar experience in the past. I have an issue in that I privately rent and my landlord has just thrown things back at me saying we like our tennants to get on with their neighbours, I have explained my asd to them.
You should not be harrased like this, and police should take notice particularly if you have a diagnosis as they have to consider you as being more vulnerable.
It sounds like some bounary issue, wondering if the flats where you live were built after your neighbour had settled in the area.
You should be free to come and go as many times as you like and open your door as many times as you like.
The council used to fund the support, but the council took the funding away. I had considered going to council about the support company. But now i’m Not sure if that’d work as now its funded by myself. And i’m Not sure if the council can help out with the housing association, the only way i can see council might be able to involved is if the fact housing benefit pays for my rent means they can. Not sure how it all works.
Flint, can you report this stuff to the council- even though it's a private landlord? I seriously consider at least recording in writing what's going on when it happens. Log all the incidents.Apart from that, in my experience I've found having neutral sound playing in small earphones to block out noise. Not too loud. Just something like white noise or the sound of rain. It helps me a little in blocking out unwelcome noise around me.
You have my deepest sympathy. Bad neighbours are a nightmare, I've had my share of them.