Problems with mood

I will have a look into what is available in my area.

Honestly, it's been life changing. The diagnosis saved my life but learning about it and how it applies to me and my life is giving me a life I never previously dreamed was possible. 

The black and white thinking thing, for example ~ first of all, I didn't even know what it was but learning about it and how it applies to me and how it effects my life, in so many ways, has made me realise what a huge impact it has had on my life, in a negative way, because I didn't understand it. 

The self centred one was huge as well. All of it. Autism effects our whole life and from my experience it can either make my life miserable (when I don't understand it) or it can make my life amazing, which it is now I'm beginning to understand it better. 

Even the quality of time I spend by myself has improved tenfold. 

My first support worker who wasn't from autism plus and who actually knew almost nothing at all about autism, was also really great at spotting things. For example, she noticed that on average, I'm ok for 3 weeks then I get tired. So we worked out that the best working pattern for me is to work for 3 weeks then have a week off and then have a month of every 3 months. I've also decided on a 3 day working week, but I only came up with that recently. 

Not being able to see things from another person's point of view was another big thing. I mean, it's like, how the hell can you do anything about it when you don't even know you're doing it, when your brain is not wired to see things that way?!?

I learned a lot from watching YouTube videos and reading books but it's nothing like the support I got from autism plus and my psychiatrist. He's amazing, he usually just says one little thing that changes everything. For example, in terms of pathological demand avoidance, he says I'm not avoiding, it's self preservation and although I'm still not doing whatever it is I'm avoiding but I don't see it that way anymore. I see it as self preservation and just that slight change in the way I see it, changed everything. 

It's been less than 2 years post diagnosis and I already feel I've got a good handle on it. I've changed my life completely and I'll be working for myself for the first time ever, giving up a career that I enjoyed and was very well paid, everything's changed, but I just take my time with it as I step into my new life, post diagnosis. 

I will have to have a look into it. No matter what this thing with my mood is at the moment, I do think autism is the route of it. 

On the outside I look like a well functioning individual. I have a job and have few problems at work. But I struggle with my thoughts and things like housework are barely getting touched at the moment.

How you describe your experience with the girl sounds very much like when I was assessed. He picked up on loads of things about me and I was amazed as I was giving really short answers. But like you said it did make me feel better and more confident. But I only saw him the once.

I was referred to autism plus via the job centre, so I didn't have to pay. And fortunately, I've just been referred back again via another scheme the job centre put me on. 

I had weekly sessions because I was living, at that time, from appointment to appointment, so I had them weekly as any bigger gaps would have been too long. But it was intensive, and although it was what I needed at the time, this time, I'll probably have the sessions every two weeks. 

This time, I'll be using them for more practical reasons. For example, they're helping me to actually get my daily routines into place and get my house cleaned etc. 

The first lot of sessions were centred on self awareness. For example, looking at how the traits related to me. For example, the trait that we are very self centred. Of course I could never see that, because it's who I am, I've never been any different and nobody thinks they're self centred. So she worked with me to show me how and where I am and then we looked at ways how I can highlight the positive aspects of each trait and base my life, and therefore routines, around them. 

So it was like getting all the mental stuff clear, or at least clearer, in my mind, and now I'm working at putting it all into actual practice. 

I didn't even have a clue about half the stuff I learned through her. Some of the realisations, were at first, humiliating, I was horrified. It was very intense but really good, it was worth it. I'm still processing stuff to be honest, so it feels like I'm still growing from those sessions even though they've finished.  

You can pay privately but I don't know what the rates are because at that time, I didn't have the funds to pay but I've actually been referred back and this time, I can have more than 12 sessions. 

I think they're nationwide but I'm not certain. My worker was a young girl and I did most of the talking but having somebody to hear you who understands, is very powerful. And because she did listen, she was able to spot things in me. For example, she says I'm very intelligent and she was able to show me why she came to that conclusion and I could see it. So it's like I grew in confidence because I started to see these different things about myself. I started to see if I could do anything about them and if not, how can I work around them. 

It's on going and if I feel I need more sessions after this set has finished, then I'll pay as they're worth it to me. 

If the help they have given me so far is anything to go by, I think I'll be back working by May this year, with their help. 

No. I didn't even know there was such a thing as sessions with an autism worker tbh. What does that involve? And how do you find one?

Yeah, I guess we just keep on searching until we find what it is we're looking for. Have you had any one to one sessions with an autism worker? 

Keep searching, you'll get there, if you don't give in. 

p.s. fridge magnet is coming  along

Ye I have but things like that just don't work for me. Not on my own anyway. I just get annoyed with them and switch them off.

There’s the crux of it ~ if you have negative thinking, you’ll have negative moods. If you have good thoughts, you’l feel good. Have you looked into ways of breaking the negative thinking patterns. I watched a great YouTube video that explained it in a way that I could understand it and I was able to put the strategies into practice and it made a huge difference to my moods. There are several videos on it but this particular one stood out for me. 

Ditto with the over thinking and negative thought pattern.

im just surviving mate too, not living. 

It's funny how that happens on here isn't it. That is the other thing that puts me off the doctor referring it on. I've read a lot on here about people being bounced between services because one says it's autism and one says it's mental health.

I think it probably is caused by autism. I naturally over think things and have quite a negative thought pattern so it's probably not that surprising that my mood can be low. I just worry about it getting worse.

Sometimes I feel like I get through life rather than enjoy it.

I’d swear we are the same person sometimes. I’ve been to a group of professionals that specialise in multiple mental healt dicsiplines and have been told all my issues are a result of the autism and they can’t help. So even if it’s depression it could be caused by the autism. 

I totally get what you mean. I have had closer friends in the past and this has caused huge anxiety over whether they are really my friends and whether they mean what they say and whether I've done something wrong if they don't reply etc. I also worry about friendships coming to an end which they always do in my experience.

So I would agree that making a friend probably wouldn't put an end to the way I feel. And although I say I feel like it's worse at the moment. If I think back I remember feeling low back in school too so I guess it's not new for me. Again this makes me wonder if it is depression but then if it is just low mood I'd feel silly and bad on the people that are battling with depression.

If you truly feel ur issues are due to lack of interaction I may be able to help. If your into gaming I’d highly recommend twitch, ive never been so social in my life as I have last year or 2 on twitch, and even though being social is till causing me issues we are all different and it may better your situation. 

If you do go ahead with this idea, I’m a streamer myself and would be happy to chat s&@t with you whilst I stream. 

I take on board what you say about comfort zones and I'm not dismissing it because I do think you have a point. But this is where I hit a bit of a wall. The thought of going to something where I know no one puts my anxiety through the roof. So do I need to do something about my anxiety before I even consider a step like that?

My other difficulty is the only group like this I know of in my area is largely made up of people with learning difficulties. This isn't the kind of group that I'd be looking for.

I just wish I could make 1 friend that would be happy to do the kind of activities that I like. I enjoy things like ice skating and I love going to places like the zoo. The friends I do have either hate these activities or can't afford to go. I also only speak to/meet up with these friends as a group. I very rarely see them 1 on 1.

It’s funny you have wrote this, I was about to post something very similar. 

I’m getting sick of the mood swings and the lack of happy mood compared to being low or somewhat empty. 

You say it’s due to lack of friends, I’m not sure it is as yes I felt like this most my life(32 and no friends) but lately I’ve been very social on twitch and have met people who are my friends and even though they enforce the fact we are friends my brain still thinks otherwise, anyway what I’m getting at is I feel exactly the same now, if not worse. 

I say worse because when I had no friends I didn’t have the constant doubt of my friends not really being friends, if you know what I mean. I’m seeing things or picking up on vibes that aren’t actually they and even though my rational brain knows this, my autistic brain convinced me it’s not true. 

Sorry I have no advice for you and I really hope you find a solution. 

Yeah, a goal could go either way I guess. I found joining an autism group was a great thing for me as I feel totally comfortable around other autistic people and I don’t know, I am learning and growing in so many ways, just from joining the group. We go out for something to eat once a month, we’ve started to do an activity such as ice skating, or whatever we choose, once a month and I feel like I’m building real friendships for the first time in my life. 

I do things with one of the guys outside of the group sometimes, such as air rifle shooting  and I’ve been meeting another guy for coffee/lunch most weeks and this year we’ve got some exciting things to look forward to. We’re going to go to the next city to a specific restaurant I want to try out. We’re going to go by train to the seaside and we’re planning other things as well. 

The friendships that I’m now building, are completely different to my friendships with none autistic people. They somehow feel more real and they’re infinitely more satisfying. 

Or maybe join some meetup groups and try out some new interests? Maybe it’s time to push the boundaries of the comfort zone a little? I think if we stay in our comfort zones for too long we can begin to stagnate. 

I do think social interaction is part of it. But I really don't know what I can do about that. I only have a small group of friends and I don't even always find interacting with them very easy. I don't speak to them that often really. I interact with people at work and there are people I get on with but I wouldn't say I really had friends there. I'm not very good at making friends.

I'm not sure about direction. I do keep myself in my comfort zone. I'm not sure whether a goal would help or just really stress me out.

So long as you’re meeting your nutritional needs, it’s ok to have a limited diet. I also have extreme sensitivity to food, both before it enters my body and afterwards. So I also have  a limited diet, which suits me as I like things simple. I eat a mostly raw diet as I find I’m more sensitive to cooked food. 

It sounds like you’re meeting all your other needs apart from maybe social contact so maybe that’s where you could focus your energy? ‍ or maybe it’s a lack of direction? I don’t know but I wouldn’t ignore it if it seems to not be easing up. Maybe you need a new goal or a change in lifestyle or something? 

Diet for me is an issue. I have massive sensory issues with taste and texture so the food I eat is extremely limited.

I get plenty of fresh air and do spend time in nature.

There are activities I enjoy and when I do them I still enjoy them but I am finding it harder to find the motivation at the moment.

I could probably do more exercise but I do do it.

I have lots of me time and like to spend it watching films etc.

Are you eating a wholesome diet? Getting lots of fresh air and time spent in nature? Are you having any fun? That might sound like a silly question, but ‘fun’ is almost like a curse of death word to me as I never really understood what fun was. I certainly didn’t seem to get it in the same way others did, and I’m only now, slowly starting the build some of it into my life. 

Are you getting regular exercise? Enough down time/you time? Have you got any plans or goals, no matter how big or small? Is there anything that you used to enjoy, that you have forgotten about? 

Sometimes, we have to do something until we feel like doing it, and not when we feel like doing it. If that makes sense. For example, we might not feel like exercising, but until we do, we won’t start to feel the guaranteed benefits of regular physical activity. But when we begin, regardless of how we feel, often sooner rather than later, we find we’re doing it because we feel like doing it. 

The hardest part of anything is getting started, but until we do, we can’t reap any benefits. ~ this is a self talk to me by the way   ~ I know I’m coming to the end of my burnout  ~ so I’m gently preparing myself for the transition.