Memories of being young?

A big virtual hug back, recovered from Dorset? No not really I walked approx 19.000 steps a day.not used to that plus really hot sunshine.four days total!also visited studland beach.and Bradbury rings,lovely spot with great views,could do with the odd bench.the poor dogs were struggling,they are both veterans now and struggle a bit.like me lol.

just relaxing right now,shed to complete and car to maintain for upcoming mot, bought lots of junk tools to restore so good times ahead,my poor car struggled on the way home,tools are heavy.

But on balance we had bad days and good days,so ok really.

) ( said:

and there's another unique thing to read about that fits me complete,

Totally 

virtual hug Lone! Hope you've recovered from Dorset 

Hi grendalsbane thank you for sharing your thoughts,I suppose I tried looking for things that fitted autism? I find it strange how most of my memories are sad ones, I never have felt like I was in the room,even now I seem separate.the not smiling thing has followed me through my entire life.As my friend ele said like being behind a glass wall, I wouldn't be missed if I suddenly vanished.

Just yesterday I came on here to catch up and there's another unique thing to read about that fits me complete, I keep thinking there cannot be more evidence but every little thing that I thought was just normal apparently is unique to us.

take care.

grendalsbane said:

I remember always feeling like I was outside of everything that was happening, even when playing with the few friends I had I

Can totally relate to your statement above.....often feel like I am behind a glass wall watching everyone around me....just seperate

That brings up so many things that are similar to my childhood recollections.

When I look back I struggle to recall many positive memories, they are mostly negative or indifferent. I know there must have been good times but they just don't seem to filter down far enough for me to remember them.

I remember always feeling like I was outside of everything that was happening, even when playing with the few friends I had I would feel like a spare wheel and that I could have disappeared and no one would notice.

Also, when I think about it now I could almost laugh at how terrible I would be at school when it came to writing down an answer to a question. I would read the answer but it just wouldn't sink in and I would have to break it down into small chunks just in order to process what I was supposed to do. Even then my answer would end up rambling on about vaguely relevant information in the hopes that the correct answer was in there somewhere. Even now I struggle with questions or instructions and it takes me a while to process what I am supposed to do.

One memory of secondary school that has stayed with me was when a classmate asked me why I never smiled. I remember feeling a little bit offended and blurting out that it was just how my face was. At the time I didn't why but recently I have started to realise why.

Well thankyou likewise.

Have a good one, and of course many many more.

Thank you for the "lush read"comment. my brother used to ask me to make up stories when I was about 14 to help him sleep.I was very good at it.

It is reassuring to hear folks say it is similar to there experiences.

I have never spoken of these thoughts and therefore being here I don't feel I will be judged, in the past I spoke of dyslexia,it was on a car forum in the "lounge" section,non car related discussion. I tried to explain how it effected me,most were interested but some predictably were just down right nasty,or dismissive,

i felt like I had made myself vulnerable,

I have read so many posts on here that need help,I have read some that self harm and just wish I could help them in some way, I don't have the answers for them.

my point is this,no matter how strange the post no one ridicules or says oh that is nothing I used to do that you will grow out of it, casual calloused comments from self appointed experts.

We all try to help however we can, the only time I gave definitive advice was to a young mum who thought the child's father had ASD.I felt anxious but I could not see him changing with his history and a mother influencing his behaviour, I could see his thoughts? Thoughts I have had but not followed. A strange comment but I felt I knew him.

She didn't deserve the battle with a young baby.

I smile and breath a sigh of relief when you or one of the other knowledgeable people step in and give good advice and strategies to improve things. Very heartwarming and I can stop worrying for them.

I care very much for people but rarely show it.never quite sure if they will take advantage of my caring nature.

memories are still creeping back to me,only fragments,some worrying, 

I remember my mums friend had a young daughter,we used to visit her,just me and mum? Anyway I suddenly remember my brother saying when we got home"you and Alison should get married" I asked why? He said"because you would make a good couple" thinking back she was shall we say different,back then the term for her condition would have been nasty if used today, she didn't talk and pretty much just sat around looking vacant.she was in old terms mentally disabled.

The comment made me think "why would I want to get married?" I did however try to talk to her to see what she was like. She didn't talk back and just ignored me,her mum treated her like a baby.

So my brother thought we would make a good couple? I don't think he was being nasty to me.

I am on holiday for two weeks now and soon off to stay at my daughters,looking forward to that,we have a lot organised, Maybe give me other things to occupy my mind?

I will check in here though. Many thanks.

Hi Lonewarrior,

Lush read, identified with lots. Seriously though, really seriously though, give up on the apologies for long posts ~ this is the NAS website after all.

Anyway, the basic theme with recall is to facilitate it, but never ever push it.

Explore what you can recall patiently and gently, and like that thing of trying to recall the name of someone or something for however long and giving up ~ and then the name just comes, do likewise with your memories and let them come as you just have.

Also avoid thinking negatively about your ability to recall memories, keep an open mind and let the memories do their thing in terms of coming to you ~ rather than you to them.

Hi deepthought ,life at home was pretty good apart from my dad favouring his mates more than us,when he was home he was easy going and allowed us to pretty much find our own way in life,he was very intelligent and very caring, he just cared a bit to much for his mates, he was a shop steward in a union and spent a lot of his time focused on their issues, he liked the social scene which meant pubs,darts,aunt sally,dominoes you name it he did it,we had hard times with no luxuries.He would come home late and drunk and he and mum would row.things were thrown across the room,but despite this we were truly happy. School was horrid,I hated it,it hated me.

Money was tight, I never had new clothes just hand me downs and jumble sale clothing, don't get me wrong I loved old clothes and the thrill of finding something I liked in the local spastic shop was awesome. I loved that shop full of smells and each item had a past.I used to hide behind the racks of clothing lol.also the army and navy shop used to be very cheap back then, I had military shirts and trousers, I wore them out and literally lived in them,I had school photos wearing them! I looked like a communist child?

I remember we fostered a young boy for quite a few months,there is a picture of me and my brother and him in the middle of us,he was from Nigeria,his mum and dad had to go back to Nigeria suddenly and left him with us,I don't remember it as such as I was very young but the stories and pictures are there.

I did have to wear leg braces in bed as my legs were bowed(still are)and my only memories are not being able to get out of bed to go to toilet,later my mum used to tell me how the sharp buckles ripped the sheets so she would wrap towels around my legs,The brace was two half gutter type metal bits joined together,it had thick straps that pulled tight and hooked onto buckles.there were sharp hooks inside to stop movement in the padding.

when I was a bit older I used to sit at the bottom of our stairs listening to the TVs,I also could sneak into the living room unnoticed and hide behind the sofa.quite often falling asleep there. I liked hiding,in cupboards,behind coats,behind armchairs.I hated bedtime,could never sleep to Order.I still only sleep when exhausted as my mind won't shut down.

flipping heck just realised all my writing. I must stop spilling my life out.

tempted to delete it,,,,,,,,,but to much effort for that. Sorry folks.

Lonewarrior said:

I had no recollection of weekends! I had no concept of time. Life was one big blur of hurt and no understanding.

Basically there are two types of sensibility, one is spatial and the other is linear, and linear systems of sequential memory that are learnt from others cannot cope with the spatial type of memory, hence many people forget their childhood experiences as the linear sensibility develops.

Unless your home life as a child was particularly traumatic and therefore the memories of which got suppressed, it might well be that your spatial sensibilities could not be suppressed, as is not unusual for at least some autistic people ~ with your linear memory developing and working more at school, whilst your spatial memory did so at home, hence the lack of memories maybe?

thank you Telstar,My teachers used to say"he's good with his hands". You just flagged up another thing I hadn't considered,misinterpretation of instructions. I had technical drawing to,the teacher was ok as he also taught me metal work,he was an old working class man,he didn't like clever kids? He favoured me for having a different approach and being mechanically good,hands on like him. My drawings were a mess as the pencil lines were so very thick! 

Hi Lonewarrior,

I can understand this, I was diagnosed ASD earlier this year at 57, and the diagnosis makes sense of how it has affected me throughout my life without me knowing why.

I think 'socks has it right when he says that we 'didn't get things like other kids'.  As an example, I can remember being in a technical drawing class and not understanding the instructions that a teacher had gave us, and just trying to figure out internally in my mind what was required,  The teacher saw my work and really got cross with me, to the point I can remember being in tears in front of the other pupils.  I think that made the teacher realise he had been harsh, and he did try to explain again, though I think we moved onto something else.  As it is, I've had regular issues with understanding instructions in employment over the years too.

Because we can have different perceptions from NTs and not be aware of it, it just makes the world a more confusing place, especially when we're young.

Coincidentally, I was watching a video of Temple Grandin on the TED talks website last night, saying how the world needs all kinds of minds. Hopefully they understand this in schools much more now than when we were children.

As other posters have said, it is a lot to take in, and I don't know if what I've put makes sense, but it's only by sharing our thoughts we can all help.

Take care,

Telstar

That sounds like an awful lot to unpack Mr Warrior and I don't know what help I can offer or what help I can give....we all gave these deep ingrained memories and the mind can be a strange thing...interesting that this comes up now as if you have tried to protect yourself with unpacked experiences that your brain has only just now realised that you are strong enough to unpack.

as Lone would say -big hug- and let me know if I can help and how x