• Replies 24 replies
  • Subscribers 89 subscribers
  • Views 811 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Worries and Over-Analysing

WitchyPrincess06

People have told me that I tend to overthink things and that I panic and worry about stuff that I shouldn't be. I can't help it, it's just one of the parts of my anxiety and I've slowly come to except that I'm a worrier... but recently a small argument I had with my mum in regards to this part of myself has really stuck in my mind.

My mum and I have recently just come back from a small holiday away and it was the day before we away and we were busy making sure our bags were packed. We were only going away for two days so we wanted to make sure we packed Light. Now one of little things or quirks about me is that it doesn't matter where I am going or how long I'm going to be away home for, I was like to pack things which I believe I would need whether it be meds, hand sanitizer or extra money whatever it may be because I can't help but imagine all the possible emergency situations that might happen when I'm out and about and the disaster that may occur if I don't have any of these things whether necessary or not. For Me, it's better safe than sorry and I feel like I can't function without taking what feels like for me the necessary precautions. So, my mum and I got into the this tiny argument because told me to take a smaller bag even though I explained to her I needed a particular bag because I need my whole purse with my cash. We then went back forth with her telling me that I apparently only needed a small amount of cash with me while I'm trying to explain to her why I need all my money with me. It then she kinda lost her temper a said something along the lines of

"Enough of your nonsense, don't ruin this trip before it starts".

That really hurt my feelings when she said that. Don't get me wrong she sort of apologised for it and we did end up having a nice holiday together... but it's kinda just stuck in the back of my mind. I now have this horrible awful feeling that I somehow annoy people with this quirk of my mine. But I can't help it, I can't just shift it, analysing possible situations that may or may not happen and planning on how to prevent them is the only way I feel I can function. It's like my parents just don't get that.

Do I worry too much?

It upsets me to think I come across as annoying to people because of it.

  • I relate to this a lot. I wish people understood the weight of their words when they say things like that. I understand that sometimes these actions may be frustrating for them but putting the trip being ruined on you is a lot. I'm sure she didn't mean it to but it's hard to move on from. It also sounds like she didn't handle the situation well either. Did it really matter if you took the bag you wanted to?

    As for the worrying, it is a complicated one. I am a massive over thinker and so far haven't had much luck with therapy. Our brains unfortunately create a cycle in which we try to prevent anything bad from happening but actually make ourselves more anxious in the process.

    I think the hard part then comes with deciding which behaviours are actually just feeding increasing your anxiety and which are actually quite sensible actions.

    I'll give you an example. I used to be really fixated with checking plug sockets and I'd end up checking multiple times before leaving my house and it was becoming a problem. I was really anxious that I'd leave one on and the house would burn down. This is probably the only thing that therapy has actually managed to fix. We talked it through and decided that once was sensible, more than that was excessive. So I had to train my brain not to check, it was hard at first but became easier surprisingly quickly. I'm not as hung up on that particular anxiety anymore.

    Now in an example where I was going on a trip. I have a medication that I am completely reliant on and it would be a disaster if I didn't have it. So do I take extra including putting it in different bags if I'm taking more than one. Absolutely I do because the consequence to not having enough, losing some whilst I was away etc would be massive. Most of the time it won't all be needed and I bring it home again, not really a big deal.

    You will never be able to plan for every situation and you will make yourself a lot more anxious trying. But it's looking at each thing and thinking is this a sensible extra or am I catastrophising. The items you've mentioned seem reasonable to me but it depends on what level of cash you are taking with you. If it's an excessive amount then that probably isn't sensible. If it's an emergency amount incase a card machine doesn't work then fair enough.

  • To be frank as adults we don’t need to be instructed on the size of bag we need to bring. Assuming you were not bringing 3 large suitcases full of money I don’t think it should result in such a put down like that, you aren’t a child and there should be levels of respect for people to make their own decisions. You may be their child but if you worry extensively then that’s the issue not what you intend to take with you. A little empathy and understanding is all that’s needed. I am not judging by the way but just saying it as I see it, sorry in advance if you are offended, that was not my intention, thank you for sharing. 

  • WitchyPrincess06 said:

    Do I worry too much?

    I think that you probably do. 

    You say you are trying to prepare for every possible emergency situation. What about if you get kidnapped, if a tidal wave hits the place you are staying, if there is a disease outbreak and you end up stuck in quarantine for months etc.

    All are possible emergencies but you won't prepare for them because they are a tiny possibility.

    Extend this reasoning to the other emergencies you are preparing for. Start to look at experience and probability - are they really that likely? Is there another way you can respond that would be acceptable?

    Once you start to whittle away at all the things you are preparing for you will soon see that there are few that need planning for. Just having an alternative approach will work (eg shop locally for more clothes, borrow someone elses phone charger etc) in almost every situation.

    This is the essence of project planning risk analysis and there are loads of ways to deal with it if you want to get serious about it.

    WitchyPrincess06 said:
    It upsets me to think I come across as annoying to people because of it.

    You know about it which is great so do something about it. Learn how to control that anxiety and try to live more in the moment like the others are so you can enjoy the holiday instead of constanly looking for threats and wondering when something is going to go wrong.

    It takes practice but the important thing is making a start.

  • If you're away for 2 days you only have to consider how much you'll need for 2 days. There is limit to how much you can spend or wear. 

    Look at what you took but did not need. Do this a few times and you'll notice what you can normally leave.

    If you have money you can always buy stuff if you really need it. You can rinse underwear in a sink if you have to, you can even wear the same clothes again. You can find ways round most things.

    Sometimes part of the fun is just seeing what happens and making it up as you go. This is what your mum meant. Just relax, take the minimum and make do.