Published on 12, July, 2020
Hmmm.......so 4 months into my 'diagnosed' state (48yo), and I'm not feeling a whole heap of acceptance. I am still feeling quite bitter and resentful. Everything I see around me in life and at work seems to have been, and continues to be, designed with a slightly different species in mind.
I have started reading this forum more often, even though I'm scared of keep seeing my reflection in these threads, and am following some overtly divergent contributors on Facebook. I was skeptical that at my age, with my history, that I could somehow find 'inner peace' (I mean, really - what the hell is that even supposed to mean?), but at the moment I'm heading in the opposite direction. Those long-cherished hopes of finding the right therapy, the right antidepressant to 'sort me out' seem absurd.
I recall seeing a quite old entry on here where a user refers to feeling much better about the state of things 4 years in. FOUR YEARS? (yes, I am shouting). I don't think I can maintain even the current crumbling facade for another 3+ years. Especially now I recognize the effort I am putting in, and the energy this costs me.
I was diagnosed last year at 49. Huge rollercoaster of emotions, angry, the unfairness, embarrassment, finally understanding all of my issues. I feel a lot better about the whole thing now. I’m still me. If anything I’m kinder to myself when I f&*$% up. I actually think I’m way more adhd than asd and I want to explore a diagnosis this year. I didn’t even contemplate adhd until it was mentioned on my asd diagnosis.
You’ll get there.
Looking at the last few posts, are you all male?
Is it possible that male societal pressures are making you feel your diagnosis more strongly?
I’m an old-school and conservative-minded older gay man - I don’t go along with the modern LGBT stuff about sexuality and gender, especially where it attempts to involve children, whose childhood innocence must be protected at all costs, as the protection of childhood innocence is sacrosanct
Whilst unreservedly accepting the clinical/medical objective reality of the 'female' menopause (and lack of any comparable medical evidence for a male equivalent of ANY description).....it will remain my opinion that blokes of this age experience an emotional "break" akin to that thing!
I'm all male, baby!!
(Said about three octaves lower than my normal speaking voice, and relying heavily on my own imagination of what qualifies one to be all male..)
I was an actual hot mess a few minutes ago, thanks to my age and my body deciding an appropriate response is to randomly feel like I’ve just opened the oven door and taken a peep too soon!
And I have more testoserone than money can buy, yet have a >90% "late diagnosed female autistic profile"!
Go figure..... b ee atch! [Disambiguation - this last comment is best imagined in your minds eye with a biggish-bloke drawing an "air-swoosh" 'z=shape' in front of my torso......yep, I'm down with the kids and in touch with my IIM self too !!
Yep - I'm a hot a mess - too......on paper.....and possibly also IRL......I never really know....!!
Who, me? I’m female, though I know I have more testosterone than an average female.