Published on 12, July, 2020
Hmmm.......so 4 months into my 'diagnosed' state (48yo), and I'm not feeling a whole heap of acceptance. I am still feeling quite bitter and resentful. Everything I see around me in life and at work seems to have been, and continues to be, designed with a slightly different species in mind.
I have started reading this forum more often, even though I'm scared of keep seeing my reflection in these threads, and am following some overtly divergent contributors on Facebook. I was skeptical that at my age, with my history, that I could somehow find 'inner peace' (I mean, really - what the hell is that even supposed to mean?), but at the moment I'm heading in the opposite direction. Those long-cherished hopes of finding the right therapy, the right antidepressant to 'sort me out' seem absurd.
I recall seeing a quite old entry on here where a user refers to feeling much better about the state of things 4 years in. FOUR YEARS? (yes, I am shouting). I don't think I can maintain even the current crumbling facade for another 3+ years. Especially now I recognize the effort I am putting in, and the energy this costs me.
Finding some (or being given some) missing pieces to a jigsaw puzzle and just putting them in the box with the other pieces, doesn't enable a picture to emerge.
There is work to be done, if you want to see the picture. Sometimes, after that work, you find that the emergent picture is nonsensical, upsetting or plain boring!......but perhaps you are looking at the picture upside down or sideways....perhaps there is too much "glare" on the glossy surface, and you need to change the lighting......perhaps you just hate jigsaws !
Stuff takes time.
Like you, I wanted an instant solution, or at least to be directed quickly to the right path to find the answer(s.) My personal experience suggests that "time" is the right path.....but it isn't the easy one!!
You make a VERY important point in your post......that as time ticks by, things can definitely get harder before they get easier. I hope you can find the stamina and fortitude to keep going on your quest for an "easier/better" life.
I wish you well JamesB.
I like the puzzle metaphor.
sometimes the box is missing or there is no picture to refer to!
You extend the metaphor VERY appropriately.
On a broader, "off topic" tributary of thought....I have come to understand that I can communicate my truth (with clarity,) best, via metaphor.
Well that neatly describes my weekly counseling session!!
Probably........or at least, possibly !
Sometimes it's like a Wasjig and the picture on the box isn't what the image of the puzzle is but it's what the people on the box are looking at from their perspective.
I'm sure there's a metaphor in this somewhere