So how long does this "acceptance" sh*t take then?

I appreciate that it may not seem like much in the way of consolation, but it can be entirely normal for us late-diagnosed adults to feel more emotionally dysregulated in the periods following our diagnosis than we did beforehand. There's some info about that here: 

Common reactions to receiving an autism diagnosis

Rather than overwhelm you with a long reading list, I'd like to just recommend two books that I found (and am still finding) very useful in the immediate aftermath of my own diagnosis.

JamesB said:

Those long-cherished hopes of finding the right therapy

For this, I strongly recommend The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy - Paperback - 21 Feb 2024 - by Steph Jones

"In this candid, witty and insightful exploration into therapy, Steph Jones uses her professional and lived experiences as a late diagnosed autistic woman and therapist, as well as consulting therapists from across the world and tapping into the autistic community, to create the ultimate autistic survival guide to therapy."

This helped me to request and obtain counselling (rather than therapy such as CBT, which I'd tried previously) with an ND-experienced counsellor. Unlike previous efforts, I'm finding this very helpful - which is not to say that other types of therapy can't / won't help you or others - we're all wonderfully different :) 

But I should also add that I wasn't yet ready, at four months post diagnosis, to start it. I very intentionally waited a little longer until I felt that my internal turmoil (including anger, frustration, etc) had calmed down enough that I could approach it in a constructive and focused enough way. 

For general tips around various aspects of life and work that are presented in a very easy-to-read, pick and mix format, I recommend Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask! - Hardcover - 25 April 2024 - by Dr. Megan Anna Neff. 

JamesB said:

the right antidepressant to 'sort me out'

I been chasing this goal myself recently. The rules here (rightly) don't allow us to offer medical advice and direct us instead to recommend seeking professional advice. Speaking in general terms, I tried very hard to find the right antidepressant for myself, but failed to find one that fitted my needs and/or didn't cause intolerable issues with side effects. I'm currently finding good benefit from medical cannabis, so this might be something to consider if you haven't yet done so.

For me, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of a starting point than a solution-rich conclusion. It's a journey - and my post-diagnosis reactions have settled down a lot, some 10 months or so later.

I hope that some, at least, of these reflections and suggestions might be helpful for you. 

Antidepressants don't work for me either.  I think Depression for many autists is natural response to our circumstances rather than a chemical imbalance. I think our entire culture is predicated on blaming the individual for their own faults.

Also at some point in the last few centuries this idea that people are meant to be deliriously happy took hold. I'm not sure about that as a concept either.

Antidepressants don't work for me either.  I think Depression for many autists is natural response to our circumstances rather than a chemical imbalance. I think our entire culture is predicated on blaming the individual for their own faults.

Also at some point in the last few centuries this idea that people are meant to be deliriously happy took hold. I'm not sure about that as a concept either.

Hello Irish. I'm glad you agree with my some of my points.  I'm not going to say where I disagree with your beliefs as needing to debate everything is one my biggest flaws sometimes.  In a free society we are all entitled to our views and often they differ wildly.

I hope you have great day.

I agree with these points as an older gay man late diagnosed - during the last 4 years, we have seen a fundamental change in so many aspects of our world and it’s not for the better where the reality shifted away from a (false) “positive” and where victim-blaming has been a huge thing for at least 40 years - I’ve read books from Louse L Hay after I first came out as gay in my teens in the 80’s and I ended up fundamentally disagreeing with so many of the arguments that she presented and this started me on my long return to my traditional Irish Catholic Patriot traditions and values - I see nothing of any real value in the modern LGBT community and great, immense value in the wisdom in my grandparents generation (I’m 53) and really, in my 30 years in supermarket retailing, living in a socially deprived area, I’ve seen far more truth and wisdom post-Covid than I’ve seen anywhere else - when the harsh truth about so many things came out during Covid, it was heartbreakingly difficult to accept about the state of our world, but given our lived life experiences, we found it easier to accept than our NT peers who were so far in denial that they were unreachable - all of this for me has been a very gradual process and has come with a lot of heartbreak at seeing the “deconstructing” (destruction) of our world by those whose intentions are not sincere nor based in truth