Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there, I'm not sure how to start this post.
I feel that I have become pessimistic when it comes to people. For context, I am an autistic woman in her early 20's; I have unfortunately had poor experiences in my life where I've been ostracised/bullied in secondary school and also verbally abused/gaslit by extended family. I've also had bad experiences with friendships where people always used me and took advantage of my kind-hearted nature. Because of these experiences, I have come to hate most people as I feel that the majority have ulterior motives and only want to befriend you or be in a relationship so they can take advantage of you.
One thing that kind of helps is I do have quality friends in my life (some of which are autistic) who accept me as I am, the same applies to my parents/aunt. I recently met an Italian guy online via Instagram; for context he follows my YouTube channel and Instagram account where I post art and gaming related stuff - he is also into gaming like myself and has the same socials/Twitch acc. When I talk to him, I feel a nice warmth inside because he understands me and he does show signs of autism/possible ADHD.
I feel that it is very hard to trust people nowadays and I often guard myself and don't talk about certain things like my mental health, I am used to faking that everything is OK so nobody judges me.
I don't feel I hate people but I just feel often I've lost faith in people and am depressed beyond belief.
I was bullied in a mental health housing situation. Ten of us lived in a large old Victorian building. I reported the bullying several times and the bullies who outnumbered me were believed over me and I ended up with a suicide attempt and I got kicked out, not them. The way this world works sometimes just makes me despair.
That's horrendous!! Are you in a better situation now?
Thank you for the sympathy. I'm living with my parents again for now and waiting for help from the NHS and social services with housing.
It makes me angry that people get away with abuse. I'm relieved to hear that you're safe now even though I don't know you. :-)