Published on 12, July, 2020
Is it just me or have any of you also noticed that other autistic people can be quite stuck up and unfriendly. I don’t if it’s only me that has the awareness to notice this but yeh every autistic person I have met it’s like they think they are better than the rest of us and that they are above everyone. I don’t get why they are like this it kind of bugs me. I met an autistic guy one time and all he did was tell me negative stories about his life and I had only known him 5 mins. He goes ‘school I was bullied’ ‘girlfriend left me’, never going to date women again etc. I don’t get why everything has to be so negative when I talk to fellow autistic folks. They never have anything nice or good to say at least when I speak to them it’s always ‘nothing ever happens for me’, ‘everything is everyone else’s fault’ etc. This kind of attitude stinks and no one wants to be around someone that thinks like that. This isn’t an attack on autistic people after all I am autistic too and have been guilty of doing the very thing I am criticising. I have moaned and complained and chose to focus on the negative too in the past. I am just curious if anyone knows why this is the case? Why do I not fit in amongst autistic people? I much prefer being around happy people. But to this day I have never met a happy autistic person. It’s always the same old negativity and depressing thoughts and low self esteem that makes you not want to be around them sadly. I just want these autistic people I meet to cheer up and enjoy the world and I feel so much sympathy for them and want them to feel happiness like everyone else. I wish with all my heart that I could help these people. Because it makes me so sad to see all these depressed autistic people who are in so much pain and anguish. They don’t deserve it! Everyone deserves to find happiness in life. I never met an autistic person who was enjoying their life it’s so unfair! These autistic people never asked to be born with this disability. These autistic people are missing out on life and it makes me so sad! It’s like autistic people are in they’re own little world where they just watch the world pass them by and aren’t really aware of what they’re missing out on. At least that’s how it feels to me. I was in my own little world separate from everyone else now I am more connected to my fellow man. I see now what I couldn’t see before.
It would be churlish for me to criticise others for being defeatist given I've been saying "the world hates me, I'm the worst person ever" most days for the past year. I mean, it can be linked to something but still.
I’m from the inside out. Lol. Burnout is not even needed it is a construct. It’s all created. Autistic people in my experience don’t need others to accept them they need to accept themselves more than anything. Burnout is created from being in social situations too much. This is only a problem because autistic people want to be alone and they get tired and fed up being around others. Sadly you can’t get away from other humans you have to learn to live with other humans. You can only do this if you accept yourself as you are.
I think it's easy to say that from the outside though. Things are not that logical if you are suffering from depression or burnout or whatever.
I think autistic people just need support. People around them who accept and embrace them for who they are.
Yeh but think about it do autistic people really need to suffer as much as they do? Maybe autistic people create their own suffering unintentionally. After all autistic people are known to punish themselves for the slightest thing. Is it really as bad as we say it is? Life is life. We autistic people tend to judge life too much and make it worse than it is. Feel the love in the air. There’s so much love and life out there just embrace it and let the past go. I love every human I meet I think humans are beautiful creatures. We are all valuable.
What HMO said.
I think some of it may be due to the way people can be disempowered by a diagnosis and how others are allowed to be so disempowered, so much "help" for autistic people seems to be reduced to the lowest common denomitator. Whilst people shouldn't be over challenged they shouldn't be under challenged either.
I've met quite a few NT's with this sort of mentality too, I can't imagine being so defeatist about life, I know there's lots of things I can't do, some big, maths and tech, some small, like not being able to make mayonaise, no matter how hard I try. But I've always looked for other things to do or different ways of approaching something.
It really does sound to me like some of the people you're describing have depression.
It took me a while to understand that just because another individual is autistic doesn't mean that we will automatically be perfect for each other as friends. I put my foot in it many times, and I think the autistic person reacted way worse than a non-autistic person might have done. Especially if the other person doesn't understand my sense of humour.
I did used to have a bit of a complex of "why is it so hard", although I've managed to lower my expectations. Especially as I lost all my friends due to me having done something incredibly stupid, so at least I know there's nothing to lose.
Yes, it’s sad, but autistic people more often suffer in the society, which makes us feel worse. I won this battle. But when I look back I was exactly same. Now I just accepted myself the way I am and when I accepted myself, I befriended myself, I stopped feeling alone and literally stopped being alone also physically. It’s easier to say than do. That’s why many of us still struggle. I can’t say that now my life is perfect. It never is, but I love it with all its imperfections. I love nature, while many people around have pleasure from fancy cars, clothes, parties etc, things which I dislike or even can’t bear them, I have pleasure from walking in a park or forest, feeling the fresh air, watching ripples on the water, watching flying birds and other animals in their habitat. I also love bird singing but only to the point when it start overwhelming me. Anyway I always find something positive in little things, that others seem to miss. They miss what I catch, I also missed a lot from life, especially in youth. But well, you can’t have everything. It’s generally hard to be positive if you are traumatised and it requires a lot of self awareness and hard work on yourself. Everyone is different, everyone experiences things differently and also develops differently. It’s kind of naive thinking that we would fully fit with other autistic people. It’s same as expecting all NTs to fit with each other. I hope you will find friends who you will enjoy spending time with. Edit: I also recall having better relations with not necessarily only autistic people but also other neurodivergent. I found that conversations with them are deeper and I can learn more about someone’s different perspective.
Yellow tree 118 said:Is it just me or have any of you also noticed that other autistic people can be quite stuck up and unfriendly.
This is most likely because they lack social skills - sometimes in the extreme - which can make them seem this way.
Yellow tree 118 said:every autistic person I have met it’s like they think they are better than the rest of us and that they are above everyone.
They will probably talk about their special interest areas the most or the areas in life they have made most progress in - these are areas where they possibly are much more informed, educated and capable than the majority of people so their confidence may come across as arrogance if you don't factor in their poor social skills.
Yellow tree 118 said:Why do I not fit in amongst autistic people?
With autism being a spectrum condition you may have some traits to different degrees of severity. It sounds like you have quite neurotypical social skills which is why you have so much trouble understanding other autists who don't have these.
This disconnect is what most autists find with almost everyone else - even other autists so it is understandable why so many of us shy away from social interactions.
I would recommend reading up on this autistic trait to educate yourself on their experience and it should help you have a but more understanding of their struggles and hopefully help you empathise more.
Thank you for sharing. I think autistic people are like neurotypical people in the sense that they're individuals. Some are mostly sad, some are mostly happy. Speaking for myself: my default mode/mood is slightly miserable, but I often feel happy, especially when I'm with my family, at home on the computer (like now), running...
I do understand what you're saying. I'm actually finding it difficult to deal with an autistic friend right now. While I want to help them be happy, they are always telling me about bad things from their past. I feel helpless, and their fixation on their own thoughts & feelings and their lack of interest in mine is irritating.
My best friend is autistic, and can be a bit of grump, but most of the time he's positive and lots of fun.