Published on 12, July, 2020
I was doing some searching on autistic language and I happened upon this:
https://www.intechopen.com/chapters/52787
This point in particular caught my attention:
'Identity diffusion is central to autism, and this will include their sexual and other identities. This is probably due to the neural connectivity problems in the brain [9]. Contradictory identities can exist side by side in their mind. They can switch to another and opposite identity very rapidly. This can be confused with so-called multiple personalities. This identity diffusion can cause stress in making decisions and in employment, and despite intelligence and good education, they may withdraw and cease to seek employment. They can confuse people with these contradictory identities. They do not have a clear sense of themselves and people find it difficult to understand them. This makes it very difficult for them to have a clear sense of other people. This increases interpersonal stress. They are often mistaken for the opposite sex and come across as being androgynous. Males can appear to have a soft female facies and females with a somewhat harder male facies. They may dress more like the opposite sex, which always causes confusion and shows signs of gender dysphoria. A small number will have transgender problems. Sometimes they feel unreal and de-personalised as living in a film and having an “as if” personality. Older adolescents with autism or Asperger’s syndrome often appear to be “asexual”. This can be very deceptive as the very same people can get involved in perverse, dangerous sexual activities'.
When it comes to identity I’m a female and always was. But, there is a little but. In presence of other female colleagues I always had some kind of interest in them, but never competing in terms of attractiveness, make up, clothes, popularity, etc. I was always frustrated that I’m expected to be like them and socialise like them when I couldn’t. At some point I thought it would be better if I was a man. It’s not that I find being man less difficult or challenging, but I knew if I was a male I could just become a car mechanic and not care about make ups and other staff that were stupid and boring to me. I also remember twice I heard from women that I’m totally like a man and they would date me if I was a man. Lol! But to be clear I identify as a woman and never intended to transition my gender. It took me long time to find and express myself and find the explanation. I’m much better at fixing, building things and reading instructions than my husband xD while he is complaining about the instructions being stupid and not clear, I just take the parts, take a look at them, the instruction, build it up and hand him the item over to him. Maybe there is something more male in me, but it’s ok.
Interesting comment about building things. I am not particularly practical and my husband does most of the fixing jobs. However he often figures it out by trial and error whereas I follow instructions each stage at a time, so there have been times when I have done flat packed building when he has got stuck. My method is slow though as I lay out all the pieces then talk myself through step by step.