Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm a late diagnosed autistic woman. I've noticed that someone expecting something from me can be stressful, and if there are too many expectataions this leads to an anger response from me, especially if I know it is something I'm not able to give or it is too much. When I say expecting something, it could be my kids asking for 15 different things in quick sucession, or a phone call (urgh!) when I already have a bunch of things queued up to do, but instead of shutting down, I lash out. I get angry at the source of the expectation.
Is this something others on the spectrum noticed about themselves? Or is this just a 'me thing'.
Yes, I do it too, I know NT people, particularly women who do this, it's nothing pathological, it's the shear frustration of coming home after a busy day to be met by a wall of demands, 'what's for dinner?' is just the start of it, especially when there's people who could quite easily sort some of this stuff out and take some responsibility rather than sit there like a lump. It wouldn't be so bad if anyone asked how your day has been, or would you like a cup of tea, something that would acknowlege that you are a human being, not a walking problem solving and permission giving thing.
Yeah I totally understand this. And I experienced this too. The other thing for me is more visceral, it is a threat somehow from all of these expectations that weigh on me. I wish I could describe it bettter!
The imbalance in mental load, like what you describe above, is a massive issue. I love this comic from The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic
There are times when I wonder if the effects of self harm some of friends have described would help me when I feel overloaded, at other times I could I feel I could quite happilly kill someone, but I don't, what I do do is watch a martial arts film or something else fighty and revel in the damage and bloodshed. I do my killing vicariously, I guess others do it via computer games.