Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm feeling very confused at the moment. I found out today from my therapist that my childhood abuse which happened is likely behind a lot of my autistic symptoms and my therapist said "you might not be autistic Eve".
My mind froze. I couldn't process what she said at the time, I just felt numb and awkward I couldn't say anything. I've never had cause to consider a misdiagnosis. I've always had self doubt, partially to do with abuse and anxiety. But I never doubted I was autistic, it just clicked and made sense straight away. Originally I was diagnosed with anxiety and then autism. No one knew about the abuse I suffered as a child, I've never told anyone else other than my therapist now.
And now it feels like the person who abused me has yet again hurt me and ruined my life. All these years passed and they're still here affecting my life.
But being diagnosed meant/means so much to me. At last I had the answers as to why I was so different, I had my neurokin and could be with people in a place where we were all united. And now it's possible that it's actually just the effects of abuse which have steadily crept through as I've grown up and become an adult. My diagnosis of autism is official. I was assessed and went through a lot to get the diagnosis and now I'm feeling unsure and worried like I did before I was diagnosed.
I knew my past was affecting me as an adult and I knew it was responsible for why I'm the way I am in some ways but I never ever imagined that I'm not autistic.
I really don't know what to think or where to go from here.
I don't have an answer just some thoughts.
Trauma and autism are known to go hand in hand. It is quite possible you could be autistic *and* have trauma.
I think even if one day you were to find out you weren't actually autistic - what harm does it truly cause? If certain accommodations are helpful for you and you found peace in the community then I think that’s okay.
Disclaimer: i’m not suggesting anyone should just say they’re autistic.
Hello. Thank you for replying.
It's possible I overreacted yesterday. I spent most of last night worrying and feeling stressed, I'm feeling better after sleeping though. I just panicked when my therapist suggested that I might not be autistic. She said the abuse explained my developmental and behavioral problems and I guess after that my mind went in to overdrive.
NAS92471 said:If certain accommodations are helpful for you and you found peace in the community then I think that’s okay.
Thank you for your kindness and for taking the time to offer support. I really do mean that, it helped me a lot.
In time I might get reassessed again and see what they think. For now I'm going to try and go on like I was before all this came up.