Published on 12, July, 2020
<span;>Hi all! <span;>I'm a 32f recently diagnosed with ASD. I've tried to be very open with my friends about my diagnosis, and have spoken with them at length over the last 18 months about why I suspected I was autistic. I received some push back and reluctance at first from some of them, but recently it seemed like we were on the same page, especially my best friend who is usually always supportive of me. <span;>However a couple of days ago he was asking me and my partner about children and our thoughts on having them, and I explained that my diagnosis was an important factor that we were considering in our decision. He then proceeded to say that nobody would want an autistic child, and everybody would rather have a "nice, normal child". <span;>I found this hugely offensive and downright wrong, and we had an arguement where he also said that it seemed like I was "using autism as an excuse" for things I didn't want to do, and that "you could do lots of things if you wanted, you just need discipline". As if I am just not trying hard enough to be more "normal" and functioning. <span;>The level of ignorance truly shocked me, as we have had dozens of in depth conversations about the symptoms of autism and how I am personally affected, and what the psychiatrists have recommended for me. I knew there was some reluctance on his side to accept it before I had a formal diagnosis but I thought surely now I have one I would get acceptance. I ended up getting very upset and had to walk away for a bit. He apologised and said he didn't mean for it to come off as an attack, he has just seen my potential and wants the best for me. <span;>So my question is basically has anyone had similar experiences and been met with a lack of understanding from friends or family, and how do you deal with that? Despite all the chats we've had about autism he said he still doesn't get it, so I was thinking of making a quick PowerPoint presentation, sum up my struggles, clips from sources that help explain it to him in a way he might understand, etc. But I'm worrying that is asking too much from a friendship, taking too much energy/effort/accomodation from the other party. <span;>What do you think, could that help? When I mentioned it to him he did seem open to the idea, but his ignorant comments have left me feeling deflated and hurt because I thought he already understood a great deal. <span;>Not sure how to proceed. Thank you for reading all this!
Hi Nat
very interesting post. I am not diagnosed as yet but intend to be assessed in the near future. My priority atm is to help my son in every way possible before I turn to myself. I had a similar response from my wife about this, she was the first person to bring it up but when I started to look into it (obsessively I might add) she not only didn’t want to discuss things but asked me to never mention it again. That response alone sent me into a dark place for months. So I understand how hurtful that sort of reaction from a special person in your life can be. All said though I have found over quite a few months that my wife has come around and started discussing the subject but I do feel as she is Nt she will never fully get it. I am in the process of writing a manual about my son, his traits, coping mechanisms and general day to day survival stuff really. It’s going to be distributed to grandparents and family members initially, this is predominantly so that he is not misinterpreted and to explain how to deal with certain things that can crop up. I thought maybe this sort of idea for your friend would help as it’s quite informative and personal to you, your triggers and how you generally get by in your day to day life.
Just a thought and I really hope your friend can work towards understanding
Sorry
Just avoid confusion I meant my wife reacted badly towards me being autistic and not my son. Although it did take some amount of time to sink in with that.