Published on 12, July, 2020
I have been in counselling for years since my divorce threw me massively. I am a boarding school survivor and I have a tendency to withdraw (or shut down) when I feel overwhelmed by challenging situations. I have been told I appear to display ADHD symptoms although I watched the Chris Packham documentary on the BBC this morning and for some reason I got very emotional. I actually cried, sat on my own at 0530 watching this program. I don't know if ti is because I related so much to the masking and that I also feel I am not able to really be myself or if I was just being empathetic.
I am going through the process of ADHD diagnosis although I could still be six years away from even getting an appointment. At 52, this scares me.
I also worry that I am just a bad person, who zones out of conversations and refuses to engage when I am feeling anxious and that I am trying to find a diagnosis that will make me feel better about being a knob.
I really enjoy spending time on my own where I don't need to pretend to be anyone else and although I enjoy being in a relationship, wonder if I can have both? I am a fidgeter and this is a real source of frustration for my partner.
One key thing I do is when I am working on my car, I can put a tool down and what feels like five seconds later, I cannot find it again and it has taken me 30 minutes then to find it and I have not been anywhere. I am also terrible for bouncing from one task to another to another and another... I once worked on my own in a department with three computers on the desk tops and had all three running with several projects ongoing on each one.
I am going through job applications after being made redundant in January and every one of the applications ask me if I have any disabilities I want to declare and to me it feels like a trap!
Just wanting to start a conversation here...
I have considered going private but the documentary recently that uncovered the eager diagnosis in order to make money from prescription medicine has made me wary. I am not interested in a diagnosis just for medication.
Hi Mark
I'm the same age as you and was diagnosed late 2023.
I have watched both of Chris Packams programmes and found both of them very interesting and emotional.
I have always been open with my employer about my suspected, and now confirmed autism. Whilst they have been supportive over the past couple of years when I have needed to take quite a lot of sick leave, it has now come to a point where it is not practical.I'm leaving on mutual agreement at the end of this week.Fortunately they are providing a support package that includes an outplacement service to help me in my search of my next job.However, being a 52 year old autistic person, I anticipate difficulties in finding work.Maybe a chance for a complete career change (I work in IT)?
Disclosing my autism is a big question that I hope to get some direction from the outplacement service (they specialise in helping ND'ers).