Published on 12, July, 2020
I thought I would write a piece about dating with disabilities. I’m currently (single) but have found dating a minefield, I was bullied severely in secondary school as mentioned in a previous peice and post. I have had girlfriends but nothing really serious. I found myself recently using “adult material” as a gap fill instead, and realising I want a girlfriend and something real and meaningful it’s also sad which is then depressing as there’s more to life.
Its days and weeks when I don’t speak to anyone, another day not talking to anyone?!
Under the WHO and Universal declaration of human rights and various clauses is the right of disabled to have a sexuality and eqaul access to health care.
I read a peice about sexuality and sex and disabilities Peter commented on it.
I’ve tried disability dating agencies with no luck, it was the worst experience of my life ever! I went to a disability dating agency I was shown a brochure, page after page of disabled all looking for love it was degrading and demoralising. I have had proper adult relationships first person I said I loved it ended badly, but I still care about her, she’s moved on with someone else but I still care about her first love Charlotte nice girl.
The word love is chucked around so easily how people interpreted love there’s also sex and love which are two different things.
I’m sitting at home at the moment just me and my mum and I want something real and meaningful, a silent house. Having no girlfriend is depressing, I don’t want to pay for adult relations just to have some female companionship touch interaction with a girl. There’s no point being a man if you have no one but particularly a girlfriend.
I shoulndt have to pay for female companionship or interaction, I have a masseuse I have her because it’s any sort of female interaction it shows how little I interact with people as mentioned I have no friends which is even more depressing I have agoraphobia.
I spend days not talking to anyone and (I’m not happy) (I don’t want a partner).
I reach out trying to talk to girls online which end up being fakes I want to talk to real girls and women, it’s isolating and frustrating, then do I go to another dating agency? Or give up any relationship and become a monk “joke”.
I read other blogs about disabilities and sex and sexuality it shouldn't be this difficult and fiddly to find a girlfriend.
im probably not the only one to find them selves in this situation but if your a heterosexual male it’s like “is that all there is” “I want more than adult material”, I want a real relationship with a girl. It’s good for clarity knowing what I want but I feel like I’ve been left on shelf at 40 which is depressing as well. I don’t want alternative I would like a nice cute female librarian that would do.
Im not superficial or vein just a genuine lad, I have looked and have tried and I still want a girlfriend would be nice
Ha! i remember that move, actually no , i dont. I remeber Jack black, and that's it. Blast from the past.
Sorry, TLDR, my mind is wandering back to sky movies , or was it?? Kaazza. Havent seen that movie in..20 years
I made one massive mistake two years back and didn't pursue a possibly perfect possibility. She was a support worker for people in our community. met through a dating app. Yes I did homework to confirm she was who she said she was and then I froze up. One of around three major dating faux pas from my life that may have given me a little happiness if i'd had the guts to actually commit. I have commitment issues. I have had a number of chances and I don't commit. So only myself to blame.
If you think it's bad at 40, wait until you hit close to 50. The funny thing is I had girlfriends while at school, but then it stalled. Just hitting first base is a pain nowadays. i really don't like going to pubs and having to do the dance with random women that I probably have nothing in common with, assuming I can even do the first part of that conversation. i have done on occasion, but after alcohol and other things. Nowadays the doctor afforded me tablets for anxiety which actually make it possible to talk to women, but drinking isn't possible while using them. So occasionally I take two and go talk to women. Nothing has come of it so far. my case is also probably different to yours, i have many more problems related to dating than just the ASD.
But don't give up. It is still possible.
I spent literally years asking and listening to what women SAY they want.
I also spent the same amount of tme watching what choices they actually make...
TO BE FAIR, I've seen similar behavior in men, including myself but over different things.
Human beings are very prone to self delusion, is all I'm really saying, and also asserting the basic truth that women and men are different and a wise man (or woman) is aware of the differences, and makes suitable adjustments for them, if you want to get along.
If you can't even dscuss such things without having to leave, (after pouring scorn on those with different opinons than yourself) that's YOUR choice.
It is a choice I've seen made on this forum more often than on any other forum I have participated..
It begs the question, if we Autists cannot stand each others company, how in hell are we supposed to train the NT's to get along with us?
Deleted user said:Sometimes I feel like giving up on this forum. I have read such crap about 'what women want' by men who don't know anything about it - it's written as facts, not the assumptions and ignorance it is. Maybe talking to women about it 1st might help!
Sometimes I feel like giving up on this forum.
I have read such crap about 'what women want' by men who don't know anything about it - it's written as facts, not the assumptions and ignorance it is.
Maybe talking to women about it 1st might help!
If you're reading this Debbie I am sorry that you felt you had to leave. I can understand why and I hope this community evolves to become something you want to be part of again. You have made many valuable contributions here and are missed
I've made a concious effort to stop lying for many years now, with a fair degree of success, I am pleased to report, but there's been a lot of "interesting" consequences to that course of action.
It's a killer for your bankbook, initially...
By omission if nothing else. For example a few years ago a friend expressed a romantic interest in me. But I wasn’t interested in her. There were lots of really good reasons why I wasn’t interested in her. I chose to only give the two that I thought wouldn’t make her feel too bad.
How about you Peter, do you lie too?
make that 3
Girlfriend in girlfriend partner is more umbrella wider spectrum
The shallow Hals a film quote good film
And me
Pegg said:That so? I've been doing it all wrong, dammit!
Yes, I kept telling you you were aiming too high with 7, but you wouldn't listen
I had that experience too with eHarmony
Let me rephrase that in more egalitarian way then. Human beings lie, frequently, to everybody, including themselves. Especially about things like romantic attachment.
men also lie to women about romantic attachment frequently. as House likes to say everybody lies.
Peter, your prima facie statement reads as;
"Women often lie about what they are looking for in a romantic attachment."
If you simply precede those words with "In my opinion," or "In my experience," or "I believe", then to my mind, no one could reasonably take issue with your words, (or your truth, if you prefer.)
If you want to learn about this subject matter (that you self-proclaim to struggle with), you could simply precede those words with "Can I just ask, do....." and finish with a question mark. That way, some people who can claim some expertise and competency in this subject matter, might offer you some kindly guidance and advice.
Words matter. We have a responsibility to each other here in this community. It isn't difficult. It doesn't require any effort. It doesn't require anyone to compromise their own beliefs or opinions on ANY subject in ANY way.
Civil discourse......if we continue to loose it, we will ALL continue to loose too much.
Rights and freedoms come with responsibilities.
Wow, a real schism of thought here!
Peter just seems to be speaking the plain truth.
I am so looking forwards to Numbers take on this!
Fill your boots...
Can we however, (me included) keep the discussion as dispassionate as possible, and actually try and explore and maybe grope twards an understanding of the other guys perspective? I realise this does expose some of us to the possiblity of having to change one's mind about long held ideas, (again, me included in that) and that can cause cognitive dissonance (an acute mental pain), so be ready and try and keep participatiing or take a rest until it passes.
I'd like to try and learn more, about "how the other half lives" this looks like an opportunity...
please do, thanks #. you've got the right stuff for this. I' lost for words.
Holy moly dude.......lost for words ! I'll try to assemble some (words) constructively, and place them for your consideration.....I might need a while.
I’m sure you are aware the image is just a meme. But girls in general, girls I’m interested in, yes I do. I’m very interested to hear about the interests and aspirations of women I’m into until / unless I learn something about them that makes them no longer interesting. How ever women often lie about what they are looking for in a romantic attachment. Sometimes for gain or to save face. Sometimes to avoid hurting your feelings. Sometimes because they are lying to them selves.
me for one