Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed late last year at 42 and was initially happy with the result. Since then my wife says I've gone downhill and been in a poor state mood/mental health wise (I'm not good at recognising my own mental state so her input is vital). I'm wondering whether processing my diagnosis has been harder than I expected and I'm wondering how you found diagnosis as an adult?
RAGE. Unending rage. I discovered my diagnosis at 25, I was diagnosed at 7 but my schizophrenic father kept it from me. I rethought everything: my struggles in school, in work and in relationships. I wasted all the best years of my life and nothing is going to give them back to me. I never forgave my parents, my mother died slowly of cancer and told her that she deserved much worse.
I am still in rage 20 years later. Rage at my parents, rage at the people that had a duty of care to me and did nothing (GP, paediatrician, teachers). Rage at ASD itself. Rage at those fools that keep telling me that ASD is a superpower and the next step of human evolution (LOL). It is not.
TAh, I got a second diagnosis in UK one year ago, but it was only to leech some workplace adjustments. It triggered some rage flashbacks, tbh. The psychiatrist in PsychiatryUK told me that I am in the top 10% of functionality, and I believe her. It;s only a matter of blind luck if I did not end up like Chris-Chan, so I should feel relieved.