Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I am 37 years of age. I was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism. It affects my verbal communication such that I find it difficult to initiate conversation and frequently don't know how to respond when people initiate conversation with me.
I did have a girlfriend a few months ago but we split up due to my inability to initiate conversation with her. She felt I didn't make an effort to talk to her and it was always up to her to initiate conversation. We had multiple arguments on this subject until she decided she has had enough. I did tell her on multiple occasions I am autistic but didn't really help.
Having special interests really didn't do me any favors as I would concentrate on whatever i was doing at the time and ignore her messages. I had set a specific ringtone to make myself answer her messages. 10 times out of 10 I didn't have anything to say other than what I was doing. I think it made it difficult for her to continue the conversation because she knows nothing about my hobbies.
I feel stuck and hopeless.
You don't overcome shyness, you just use learn to cope with it and deal with it in better ways. That means there will still be frustrations along the way. I'm 39, male, never really had relationships. They don't interest me. This year I've pushed myself more to meet people and make some friends. It caused me all sorts of anxiety issues prior to meeting these people, but once I was into the situation I felt more comfortable after a while.
It's worth pushing through the unpleasantness to come out the other side with something positive.
I can recommend just challenging yourself here and there. Get your confidence up a bit. Volunteer for something, join MeetUp groups that interest you etc. Find people who also like your special interests.
The girlfriend you've mentioned sounds entirely ignorant to autism and it's challenges, so that's not someone you really want to be going out with. Sounds like she just got frustrated without realising what was going on.