Published on 12, July, 2020
I have ordered something online. Something I really want, a special treat for having survived a really long bad period. It's a one off, saved for, and I really had to be encouraged by my counselor to do this one nice thing for myself.
It was due yesterday 11-12. 6pm the app says "sorry we missed you". I have a meltdown because I'm my head it's my fault, they missed me therefore I can't have been listening properly. It's rescheduled for today
Due today 2-3pm. Same thing happens.
Now rescheduled for Monday.
I have been in waiting mode for 2 days. It's hard to do anything else at all. Yesterday I didn't eat because I was so eager to get it, restless from waiting, jumping every time the dog barked (and she barks at everything) and then too dysregulated after the failed delivery.
Today I sat in silence on the sofa waiting. No sleep last night so unable to find things to occupy myself today. Watched the delivery app. I put a sign on the door saying "I am here, make the dog bark and I'll know you're there" . I paced. I paced a lot. 5:45 I'm next on the list. Ping. "We're sorry we missed you" app shows him exiting the village.
Boom. Meltdown. I don't deserve nice things. This is punishment for wasting money. Horrible thoughts about my failings. Clearly I did something wrong.
Mate came round and dealt with the deliver company but they'll only retry on Monday, and only once more. I can't afford to lose the money I spent on this so that's causing more stress. I swear they have not been here. My dog reacts to anyone outside, the repair man this morning didn't even get to knock and she was going nuts.
Now I'm stuck in a cycle of waiting. I had planned to use the thing this weekend. Now i have no plan for the weekend, I'm tired, I hurt myself in meltdown, and I'm ashamed that someone else had to sort out the delivery company on my behalf. I'm also stuck on the "why wasn't it delivered" I need answers and I can't seem to let it go
I had this problem only a few weeks ago. I ordered this box of fidgets and they were comming on a certain day by 7pm. I waited and waited but they hadnt arrived. My mom kept saying it was probably just running late, and I was fine if that was the case but what bothered me is that the tracker still said at 7pm and it didnt tell me that it was running late. So then I was worring that it was delivered to the wrong address or maybe someone stole it, and a bunch of crazy stuff like that. When I waited a whole other day I messaged the company and said it didnt come and they said they would replace it for free. So then my replacement came but then a few days later my original package showed up! I told them that it came and they said not to worry about returning it. So I decided to donate the second box to my moms work (she works at a school for autistic kids)
I dont know how to help make it come, but I do know the feeling of waiting and it not comming and it being the only thing you can think about