Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone. I have a something that I'm really struggling with, and I'm wondering if anyone have any ideas about what I can do.
When I have a full-on meltdown, it tends be be very all-consuming. My meltdowns usually consist of me shouting very hurtful and very pointed insults at the people I care about, and the meltdowns can often last multiple hours. This causes me a tremendous amount of guilt, as I am otherwise very averse to upsetting people.
Now, I have begun to observe that meltdowns can often be prolonged or worsened by the very guilt which results from them, creating a vicious cycle wherein I start having a meltdown, then at some point the meltdown ebbs enough for me to, theoretically, begin to calm down, only for the thought of 'look at what you have done, you have had another meltdown' to seize me, which then causes my emotions to spike up again, sending me back into full meltdown.
Does anyone else find this happens? And if so, can you tell me how I might begin to deal with this?
That sounds very familiar. My full-blown meltdowns are thankfully few and far between at the moment, but when they occur I feel very shaken and extremely guilty, particularly if my wife has been on the receiving end of it. I hate upsetting people usually. My wife understands that it's essentially meaningless white noise and doesn't take it personally, but I still feel bad. I seem to be able to keep meltdowns at bay by doing boring self-care things like having plenty of quiet time, recognising when I'm feeling more stressed and trying to address it, and getting sleep. Trying to be conscious of a head of steam building sort of thing. It doesn't always work but I think it has reduced my meltdown frequency a bit.