Are you conscious of how you come across to others?

I have always been very self conscious.

But recently I've made a breakthrough. If I ensure I approach every conversation by ensuring I am kind then it doesn't matter how I am received, that is out of my hands, I leave it knowing it wasn't me it was them

No but my assessment report says it all. Not one of them. Different. 

I wouldn't fake it. They also say "the best person to be is yourself, no one likes a fake". I think that's solid and true advice.

I suppose on reflection I'm acutely aware of making eye contact with others - or more accurately, not making eye contact with them. I find it uncomfortable. I have learned, over time, how to do it - and I always hope that I will be good enough at doing it that I won't stand out. 

I'm not very good at it though, it always feels like a conscious effort, or forced, even. 

I think my poor ability to make or maintain eye contact gives people a wrong impression. From this small thing, people make character judgements, it seems to me, and have often have decided that I am arrogant, rude, and dishonest. Without ever having a conversation with me,, or anything. I've had that a lot, that I'm 'hiding something'. 

Hmm, well, that isn't me at all. 

I suppose I am conscious of making eye contact. It's very hard to know exactly how to do it so that it doesn't seem unnatural. 

I relate to your comments here and wonder what people think of me or if I said the wrong thing or too much.

although yeah this on many occasions led to me being friends with people who are not my friends. first example was the person i thought i was friends with in primary school but was actually my bully. which only realised at the end of primary and start or high. i very well could be friends with people at work now that hate me to their core and are trying to get me fired which im trying to figure out if its a possibility.

no i tend not to think about it... until later i guess.

i want to be friends with everyone, so my default being friendly with everyone i guess makes me feel ok in my head and feel im doing ok.... but ofcourse, everyone else does weird stuff like read body language which my body language maybe not friendly, and sees that i dont speak very much, and so assume i hate them, instead of my own perception that im being friendly with everyone.

it then gets a issue that i cant read them too, when anything happens and i detect some sort of tension that i cant place and say..someone reporting you at work trying to get you in trouble and i cant figure out who it is and which one is being fake or sarcastic with me, it kinda sets me on a paranoid mode in which i dont know who to trust and i think of all the ways each person would hate me and why they would act against me in order to try figure it out, which then i try to think of how i come across to them and figure out any fault on my end which they could perceive as hostile to them. 

of which sometimes i feel my being friends with everyone likely causes a issue with some as if you be friendly with a person that another hates then they then hate you too for being friendly with the person they dont like. or perhaps see you as against them for being friendly with that person.

Yep, I do exactly this. I hate constantly asking for reassurance from the other person that I might not need to do that, but I feel like I'm being difficult. 

I am very conscious of how I come across to others. 

While I'm moving through the world I have a running commentary in my head like "Make eye contact, not too long, look away sometimes" and "am I talking too much? Am I not talking enough? Should I say something?" of if I make a joke I'm immediately plagued with "Was that a dumb thing to say? are people laughing at me?" it goes on and on. I find being alone easier for that reason because there are fewer variables and less to worry about. 

Yeah sometimes I'll make a joke that isn't intended to be rude but does end up offending that person, and it's frustrating that I didn't pick up on it. 

My situation is a bit different because I found a support network but because I couldn't deal with it, I threw it all away (I might make a thread on that).

I'm sorry that a teacher said that to you. It's those little things which often stick with us. I had hundreds of people tearing me apart on Twitter a few months back - it started out as them holding me accountable for something I did and quickly turned personal. That was much worse than any real life bullying I've ever dealt with because I really could not do anything.

Initiating conversation is something I feel less encouraged to do because of how it tends to pan out, and how much trouble it gets me into. 

Yeah, it's that saying of "don't take criticism from someone you wouldn't take advice from" (or whatever it is) and I try to operate like that.

I also only really speak up when I feel I have something to say, as opposed to speaking for the sake of speaking. To others it seems like I'm being standoffish sometimes but it's more energy wasted trying to jump in with a group conversation that I know I don't belong in. 

In that particular case it was a friend looking out for me, but I see what you mean. I've had loads of other instances of people saying I'm really quiet but not following it up with anything, so it just frustrates me instead.

I regret not utilising the support systems I had to stop worrying about all that stuff when I'm around them. Asking them to assure me it's a no judgement zone etc. 

I'm only aware in how people respond to me, not in my own experience. So I generally just have the automatic assumption that I'm coming across as weird and/or boring, but I don't know unless someone actually makes it obvious. 

Sometimes I am aware of how I come across to others, but sometimes I'm not.

I often worry about coming across as arrogant, or completely patronising, which are traits that I find deeply off-putting. As a result, I think I can sometimes be rather verbose, as a means of hopefully getting the message across that I don't intend to be either of those things.

I also am very conscious of how I come across, which skyrocketed when I was at college and a teacher commented on how they avoided me due to me making them feel uncomfortable. I do try and keep to myself, I only ever engage in conversation if someone initiates it, and keep it as short as possible. I try to come across as bubbly and happy as I can, and this got me through the majority of any social interaction I've had and since I don't make lasting connections, people don't get to see any other version of myself. 

I could talk forever, but I do not want to digress. I hope you find/have a support system that you do not feel the need to mask or feel acutely self conscious with :)

I think it must be common for ND people to be told they're 'withdrawn when they may not be at all. It's an interpretation of NT people in my own experience, along with 'aloof' and 'unapproachable' 

I laugh at myself because it's easy to do - but in all seriousness, I've spent untold hours worrying about what I've done/said wrong in countless situations which required human interaction. 

I try not to tie myself in knots over it any more, I don't have the energy! 

I think this is probably a good place to connect with other like-minded people, which is a good start on the road to friendship..

I get that not everyone wants friends, some are perfectly content alone. 

I too am not a voluntarily expressive man. I have only ever dealt with the present without stressing myself with imaginings of what may be thought of me.  I have lived my life according to my two premis's:

1. How important a roll this person I am speaking with has on my life. 99% of the time that person presents no roll in my life so what that persons impression of me is irrelevant. However, If what has been said is of value, it will be taken on board without any concern over what impression I give. Having said that I treat everyone with the respect they deserve and will politely agree to disagree if necessary---and sleep very comfortably that night.

2. I was raised to offer an opinion when it was asked for. I try my best to keep to that which is often misintrepreted as being aloof. If I have to make a point I try my best to be clear and sussinct to that point.

At a guess, closing myself off emotionally is how I insulate myself  from derision,or rejection. I get no "kick" out of attempts to influence others and expect to be judged with fairness although I do try not to pre-judge others. 

I will "open-up" when necessary to introduce myself to a group sometimes saying more than what is needed. Beyond that I try to be brief.

I'm trying to get better at just accepting compliments and positive words for what they are - I used to have the tendency to feel like I need to make a joke or something.

They say "fake it til you make it" but I don't know how practical that is for us Autistics.