Answering Questions without preparation

Not sure if an autistic thing, but I get frustrated if things are not done correctly. I do make mistakes and get frustrated by my own mistakes, but find it difficult when things are done quickly and end up causing more time in the end sorting problems.

Homebird said:

It will come in the end but not always at the time I needed it. 

This is often me, in spades!  It's super frustrating.  I can wax lyrical on uber complex and obscure stuff - remembering and able to spout it at length - but then I'll be asked (for example) "what utensil do you eat soup with?"....and no words come, with my face looking like I've swallowed my own tongue....or perhaps the soup spoon in question!

and have a worrying tendency to tell the/my truth.

Yep - so me too!

I think that negatively affects me as well. I normally only sleep from 11-2 am. I feel exhausted and need sleep but my mind is active and won't shutdown.

Have you tried learning meditation?

It feels a bit cooky at first but once you master it you can tap into it at will.

I went from spending hours trying to sleep to being able to switch off in about 20 seconds and be fast asleep.

That doesn't allways go down well with my passangers when I'm driving though...

Being honest when asked questions is a major 'failing' of mine too. I gave up an entire career due to being utterly hopeless at recognising / playing the office politics game.

Even down to telling the boss that "Yes, I guess I am critisicing how you manage."

It did not go well, but it was true. That boss got fired a year or so after I left for running the place into the ground :)

Yes that is true, the setting does make a lot of difference. Another thing I find hard sometimes is naming something common, especially difficult in a work situation. It will come in the end but not always at the time I needed it. 

The first thing is my mind goes totally blank, then my brain doesn't work as fast as I think people expect it to work, then yes if I do think of something like a song I end up with several and are any my favourite at this moment?

Iain said:

You could try techniques like thinking of your interviewers naked and wearing silly hats to lower the intimidation they present to you, but this made me giggle so I stopped doing it.

Lol would make me do the same. I laughed just reading it ;) 

But it's a good idea to do something along those lines.

Iain said:

Practice will help desensitise you to the threat too - maybe find someone to role play the interviews with you and get them to raise the challenge level to help you find ways to deal with it.

This is where a lot of the difficulty will be. My family don't believe in my autism and won't try to understand and won't help me. So for most of it I'm in this alone.

I also don't sleep too well.

I think that negatively affects me as well. I normally only sleep from 11-2 am. I feel exhausted and need sleep but my mind is active and won't shutdown.

This also worsens my anxiety.

Weird thing is though, I still don't know what to answer when I do talk and get asked things. Everyone I prepared for vanishes and I'm left just staring as my mind goes blank.

This is often a confidence related issue where the anxiety / shock of the situation leads your brains to tell the body to start producing adrenalin which tends to inhibit the higher mental functions in favour of instinct (kicking in the fight-or-flight response), and this mangifies the memory recallection function.

Developing ways to lower your stress level is the key to this - not a fast process and one that takes lots of preparation. Lower stress = less adrenaline and hence less shutdown of the higher brain functions.

You could try techniques like thinking of your interviewers naked and wearing silly hats to lower the intimidation they present to you, but this made me giggle so I stopped doing it.

Practice will help desensitise you to the threat too - maybe find someone to role play the interviews with you and get them to raise the challenge level to help you find ways to deal with it.

Yes. 

I spend so much time preparing myself for social interactions even though I know I'm unlikely to be asked anything.

But I panic so I try to prepare myself. Almost like I'm preparing for a quiz night.

Weird thing is though, I still don't know what to answer when I do talk and get asked things. Everyone I prepared for vanishes and I'm left just staring as my mind goes blank.

Twitch said:

what would happen if in a job interview you actually replied with "Trust you to ask me a question like that.", also said in a friendly, light-hearted tone of voice with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face.

You would need to be prepared for the response of "explain what you meant by that".

If you couln't pull off that answer with charm or humour then forget about getting the job.

If you could pull it off, your chances of getting the job just jumped significantly...

I don't mean to make fun of you at all Sparkly but your reply made me wonder what would happen if in a job interview you actually replied with "Trust you to ask me a question like that.", also said in a friendly, light-hearted tone of voice with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face. Wouldn't that be hilarious? I'm half tempted to apply for another job just to try it. 

I find that it can very much depend upon the situation... What is the question being asked, who is asking, and are they someone I know, like, or feel comfortable with?

In a formal setting, I am far more likely to struggle. In a relaxed setting with people who know me well, I may get thrown, but I'm far more likely to make light of it and respond with something along the lines of, "Trust you to ask me a question like that!" This will be said in a friendly, lighthearted tone of voice, with a twinkle in my eye and a smile on my face.

Some questions, even the most simple of questions can be enough to throw me. I too would probably struggle to name my favourite song, as what might be a favourite song one day, could be something completely different another day. 

Is it because you can't think of an answer or is it because your mind is actually thinking of about a dozen different answers and they're so busy fighting inside your mind that no single one comes forward? Your example of naming a favourite song would throw me because at any given time it could be one of about five different songs. If I was to answer right now, obviously without the added pressure of an interview situation, it would be 'Everlong' by The Foo Fighters. Tomorrow it might be 'Itchycoo Park' by Small Faces, and so on.

Homebird said:

I relate to the selling myself problem and the being put on the spot. If I had a while to prepare  I could come up with answers.

Some extreme scripting is required here.

If you know the questions are coming then think out the answers and get a friend/family to role play the situation with you answering them.

Repeat the process and get them to mix it up, ask fdollow up questions and after doing this for a while your brain will slowly shift to be able to recall the subjects even under duress.

Once you experience the results in the wild you will start to build confidence that just makes it easier.

I find trainging your breathing to help calm you is a great way to ground yourself before the actual conversations.

Yes I relate to your last sentence.

I hope not to have any more interviews but am now communicating this at work, for example for courses.

Yes I relate to the selling myself problem and the being put on the spot. If I had a while to prepare  I could come up with answers.

I can relate to the brain whirring. Yes a very wide request gives to many possibilities. It is the same when shopping if too many options it becomes a challenge.

That would be a good method for me as it gives permission to hesitate without feeling awkward.