Published on 12, July, 2020
Personally, my negative emotions have often been dismissed and/or mocked whenever I try to talk about them. I’m told I just need to get over myself while they value their views over mine (to be specific, have no consideration toward my personal views) and expect me to follow through.
This would result in me having a meltdown, constantly questioning myself whether I’m in the wrong for feeling this way. I often catch myself saying “you’re going to be ok” and “act like a normal human being” whenever there’s a bunch of stress and sadness building up inside me and I try to bottle it up. I discredit my feelings because of this. And it’s damaged me.
Many times I get involved in fights and arguments with other people that I end up being the only one facing the consequences, I feel like everything is my fault. I’m trying to move on, but it’s difficult for me to. I felt like I deserved to be scrutinized, criticized by every skeptic that I run into, feeling often uncertain of myself.
I felt like I’ve said enough. Anyways, what are your experiences?
OMG, I have tears in my eyes!!
It's like you reached into my brain, pulled out my unconscious thoughts and wrote them down. This is exactly how I felt. I was always told I was over-sensitive, pedantic and just need to try harder at things I wasn't good at!
After my diagnosis I felt a lot of anger because it was like 'F*** You' to those people. I am Autistic, I am not difficult but different. I may not be great at some things but I am amazing at other things.
In fact, strangely since my diagnosis I actually have more compassion to those around me and have helped family members to appreciate those around them as being more fragile than they appear on the surface.
We all mask too much and don't allow people, including ourselves, to see the real feelings and emotions. We all need time to process. No-one is perfect. If I want someone else to accept my fragility and vulnerability I need to accept theirs too and treat them with the same care and leeway that I would like to receive.