If you are thinking of leaving the forum ...

Peter said:

we need these conflicts these arguments because they are the vaccine against extremism and snowflake oversensitivity.

No Peter

'We' should be capable of respecting the boundaries and vulnerabilities of other members of the forum and remembering that not everyone thrives on conflict.

For some of us, conflict is a trigger to past traumatic events.

For me it’s a question of intention.

I’m here in the hope of learning more about my condition, meeting people facing similar challenges and hopefully providing some mutual support.

I thought that’s why we’re all here.

Now I might hold an opinion on some random topic that would upset someone here. If I do make such a post i hope I’d have the maturity to say “sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, let’s move on to another topic”.

Because what could I hope to gain by upsetting a stranger on a forum? a stranger who could potentially help me with my own problems.

And that’s the crux of it for me. Why do some people seek to pointlessly upset other people in a mutual support forum.

I can’t think of a good or honest reason.

Amerantin (former member) said:

I’m here in the hope of learning more about my condition, meeting people facing similar challenges and hopefully providing some mutual support.

I thought that’s why we’re all here.

To add context some of us, the issues we're dealing with as autistic people, is being vilified for words or views considered politically incorect etc. I would say that that is part of autism. Autism both A) can contribute to making us less socially conforming and B) make us less sensative in the way we express ourselves. So when we have long angry debates on here about whether person Xs views or words were aceptable it is very much at the heart of the chalenges some autistic people face.

We as Autists NEED people to be more tolerant of boorish behaviour! We aren't exactly known for our social charm...

Bullying, it seems after reading many comments here, is very much in the eye of the beholder. 

There is a Christian concept which helps me a great deal in these situations, "Hate the sin, not the sinner".

There is a member here who sees my attempts to build bridges with people who's ideals I find reprehensible as somehow dishonest or perhaps the correct word is disingenuous.

To be honest I can kinda see his point, I have often wondered to myself why I don't just write certain sorts of people off and leave them alone, which in many cases does end up being the only sensible option.

I've noticed that people tend to bully those who they find boorish. Now Boorishness, like beauty, is somewhat in the eye of the beholder and somewhat defined by the society in which you participate, which makes it a LOT harder to eliminate that people make out even if you don't have Autism.

Bullying, looks a lot easier to eliminate, but as is very clear form many posts a lot of people here don't know when they've stopped making a fair representation of their point of view and slipped into bullying behaviour.

There's not a lot of what psychologists call "insight" showing in some conversations, that's for sure. Bee's summed it up nicely in a P.M. once. "If you can't say anything nice, then try to say nothing at all". For those who read our posts it must be obvious that both he and I occasionally fail in that effort and each time it seems to ourselves we were "fully justified" at the time. Speaking for myself, I find sometimes after reviewing my conduct that I was only partially justified, if at all. And occasionally (it's thankfully rare, but it happens), actually mistaken..

I hope that helps explain some of the behaviours we have been seeing, and maybe even suggests an alternative way of looking at even those members with whom you may have profound disagreements with..

Amerantin (former member) said:

There is no moderation on this forum.

That’s the problem.

Amerantin (former member) said:

I have just received an email from the community manager calling me abusive and threatening further action.

so do you agree now that there is moderation on this forum?

the first quote claims theres no moderation, the last quote says you have been moderated and disproves the first quote?

there absolutely is moderation on this forum, i have been warned a few times myself and been placed in moderation approval ques. the mods do do their job but because of the nature of this sites purpose and the people that use it they cant just go banning and excluding people, because part of autism is being socially excluded from everywhere for failing to understand social sensitivities and rules. so they cant just be ban happy and exclude people as it goes against their purpose as a autistic space.

plus bans and exclusions i find dont work, if that ended and mods were more like the mods here then people would have more chance to discuss and perhaps better themselves and change maybe, at least a tiny bit anyway. i think the mods do the best they can but this isnt something you can be perfect on... they are much better than most mods that just exclude and ban people over very little. again in a autistic space they need to be aware that we will break social rules and perhaps not understand why it was wrong or how we upset people. and exclusion isnt the way as exclusion is something to tackle instead and fix.

I too have had an email from the community manager - several in fact.
Rather than announce the content of those messages, I have respected that the communication is of a private nature between myself and the community manager / mods.

For the record, I can categorically say that I do not consider this as a victory, I haven't won anything.

Amerantin (former member) said:

I have just received an email from the community manager calling me abusive and threatening further action.

That's awful and totally unfair.

You have nothing to apologise for at all.

You are and were a credit to this forum and your loss will be greatly felt.

You were actually helping people on this site!

Crow Lady is leaving too.

Ugh

ps.  I did previously send you a 'friend' request - just so you know.

This site is faulty so you may or may not have received it.

Take very good care of yourself.

The site has let itself down by allowing you +  others to be driven away like this.

I have just received an email from the community manager calling me abusive and threatening further action.

So GPK has won and I have let myself down.

i am sorry I have upset people, that was the exact opposite of my intention but I always get these things wrong.

I think it’s best I withdraw from this site and leave you all in peace.

Sorry.

A

Thanks Autonomistic. I’ve let life get on top of me for the last week and and I’m really quite upset. It was just bad timing having to deal with with this at the same time. You’re right that I should take my own advice.

I may return in a day or two.

Amerantin (former member) said:

Over the last day or two I have also begun to think they maybe this isn’t a place I want to be.

I'd echo Debbie's comments. You may not have been here that long but you have made a big impression.

You clearly care enough to stick your head above the parapet when something or someone threatens this valuable support network.

You reassured the community about the unwarranted legal threats and I'm sure those comments meant a lot to those affected. Particularly as it happened at the weekend when there wasn't any mod presence apparent. 

Amerantin (former member) said:

anyone with any sense will just ignore him.

Wise words... it's hard but try not to allow yourself to be goaded. 

There is no moderation on this forum.

That’s the problem.

Calm heads please.  MODS pop up anywhere in a thread.  Rosie's comment is not DIRECTED at you, it has simply appeared under your post.  Don't take it personally and don't attack an UNPAID VOLUNTEER who is trying their best to herd angry cats, kimono dragons, zebras, spiders and woodlice.

GPK26 said:

I have taken a back seat on the community today

I find it hard to understand you or your agenda but what I am witnessing is you going from thread to thread and goading people to say things that are uncharacteristic of them and then sitting back and watching the results.

It's very unpleasant behaviour.

Because of you one person I know to be very vulnerable has completely retreated and at least 4 are thinking of leaving here.

I think you need to grow a sense of responsibility for your own actions.

GPK26 said:

I have taken a back seat on the community today

I find it hard to understand you or your agenda but what I am witnessing is you going from thread to thread and goading people to say things that are uncharacteristic of them and then sitting back and watching the results.

It's very unpleasant behaviour.

Because of you one person I know to be very vulnerable has completely retreated and at least 4 are thinking of leaving here.

I think you need to grow a sense of responsibility for your own actions.