Sometimes I don't know why I bother.

It could be described as teaching you how to regurgitate. Thankfully, my memory's pretty good. I understood my Psychology really well. But because I couldn't put enough into words for the exams, I got a poxy E.

My first day of work experience went ok. I just followed another girl around all day and did whatever she told me. And she, unlike my tutors, showed me what to do and made sure I understood before making me do it. Naturally, I did a much better job of cleaning the kennels than I do of cleaning out the marmoset enclosure or some other ridiculous job I've never done before.

The modern way of teaching is a joke, what it boils down to is those who can remember stuff the best can pass the exams.

Ha, turns out I'm not the only one. Virtually the whole class was ranting today that thay hadn't finished the assignment that was due in because we hadn't been taught any of it. Even worse, it sounds like we'll be learning it all after we've handed it in.

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling a little better now, especially after writing this. All I can do is try to soldier on for now, and hope that the constant lack of sleep doesn't destroy me. I suppose I'll have to deal with my future when the time comes, but it terrifies me nonetheless.

Yes, even if you are now unsure that this particular course isn't for you, it will still be a "string to your bow" on your CV.  It's true that some things are character building too.  That's not to undermine the difficulties you face or the challenge it will be for you, over and above the average student, but it will still give you some additional skills, maybe help you build a thicker skin in some ways and find the grit and determination not to let it beat you.  I have no doubt that you are intelligent and capable, and this may give you an advantage over many of your peers because it's surprising how many untalented individuals pursue FE and you are likely to have the hyperfocus and analytical brain that will give you at least some areas of advantage.  You don't need to look on your course as needing to get the top grade, just tell yourself that passing it is enough because you did it with special needs and that is a major achievement let me tell you.

I think also it is important to say that for people on the spectrum "knowledge is power", not in the conventional sense, but because having knowledge, and knowing how to expand it and develop it, gives people on the spectrum advantages and opportunities.

Its why I feel parents who go on about their son or daughter being on the computer too much would be better to do a trade on how the computer is used, rather than rationing computer access - try to get their child to do some knowledge widening and enlargement of the skills developed from what they enjoy doing, so they find more applications for their computer interest.

However frustrating this course may seem, if you stick with it, and overcome the difficulties, you will know more, and see how to continue expanding that knowledge, and finding new knowledge areas. So even if the course doesn't lead to jobs it will give you more things to fill your time with, to beat the depression and improve self-esteem.

I do think you need to talk to a tutor about getting access to the materials without having to get it through team work or pairing, as that is something difficult for someone on the spectrum to do, and having taken on a student on the spectrum, this college should not turn back on that undertaking, and expect to get away with poor provision.

While universities were kicked fairly hard to accommodate disability (even if there is some backlash and receding of provision now), FE colleges and agricultural colleges don't seem to have been pushed enough, and it is clear some colleges fall disgracefully short on DDA provision. 

I wish I could tell you what the point is.  However, for some reason, I have always had a burning fight in me that is the thing that probably kept me going, and some unfathomable hope that things will get better at some point.  Having children became the other thing that kept me going when I have been starting to have a nervous breakdown.  And thanatophobia is another crucial reason that I am still here.  But I have felt like you many times.  I gave up a photography course because I got so anxious and felt unable to do it.  I felt guilty because my employer at the time had paid for it too (but as I ended up going on stress leave and ultimately leaving through workplace bullying I got over that!)  One important thing I have always told myself, is that you cannot ever rely on anyone else.  No friend, or even relative can give you the things that you need.  Only you can do that.  If you feel like "half a person" for instance, by not being in a couple, meeting someone will not ever make you feel like a whole person.  They could provide all the usual things you get from a relationship, but emptiness or anything else like that inside of you will stay the same.  I also learnt that running away doesn't change anything, you still have the same problems inside and you take it with you.

I think you need to switch off to other people in a way, not let them bother you. Be self-sufficient, and only let in decent people as I believe we are very sensitive to the negative vibes from bad people.  I wonder whether you should stick out the course for life experience.  To see what happens when you do challenge your problems face-on and find ways of coping?  Otherwise, you will set a pattern for yourself to run away when things get tough.  Is there no way you would get even a partial refund if you did drop out?  Perhaps you could do OU study instead if you feel that you really can't stick with it.

Regarding written work, I think you need to write down how you need it presented and ask that they give it to you like that.  Explain that the LSA is not helping sufficiently and you are entitled to reasonable adjustments in law and that alternative written/verbal instructions geared towards your needs are reasonable adjustments.

When I was doing my OU course, I had telephone tutorials, and there were times my tutor had to really prompt me because an obvious answer didn't come into my head.  The perils of verbal communication!  Then I didn't have my diagnosis, when I resume my course I will explain what I need.

The sad thing is, half of this stuff I could have written myself... The title, certainly. I'm 25 now and still feel the way you do... which has made me despise myself more and more over the years. I used to sleep 12 hours (sleeping all through the morning into the afternoon), I think now I'm down to maybe 10... I actually was so depressed through my teenage years that I never expected to reach adulthood, so to find myself as an 18 year old rather stumped me because I had no plans. I still live in my bubble, stagnating and going nowhere.

I also did an animal care course and didn't get along with most people and had some very bad times during those two years... Part of the reason I did further education was to avoid getting a job, and then I ran out of further education and haven't had a job since. I feel like I'm not going to get one either, which leads me to the same thoughts as you- "what's the point?"

Please dont say that you shouldn't exsist because you sound an amazing articulate person. My 19 year old daughter is away at university and is on the autistic spectrum so I know what you are going through. She gets very confused about whether she should continue her course or not. Whatever you decide to do always believe in yourself, Im sure you have alot of people that love you even though it may not feel like it sometimes but they do love you. Make a list of all the positive things about your course and see how you feel then.

Take care and remember you are an amazing articulate person .

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks the teaching style is completely ridiculous. The way they just give us a sheet to fill in without having taught us any of it reminds me of the technical challenge recipes on The Great British Bake Off, with instructions like 'Make the jam.' The practicals are very much like that too, all very 'Do this, do that, good luck, bye.' Most people in my class can't even stand the sight of me, so all that 'work in pairs' rubbish is a no-go.

I want to know what I'm doing, and I want what I write down to be correct. Just guessing because I've been taught virtually nothing isn't going to be much good to anyone. And that flipping LSA I mentioned before irritates the heck out of me.

For one thing many people aren't quite ready for study beyond school at 18, not just people on the spectrum, but I think there needs to be more understanding in the system for people on the spectrum to get more time.

Personally, reaching 18 in 1968 without a diagnosis, I wasn't even making any headway at school let alone being capable of anything more advanced. But at 21, I went to University and by 30 had a PhD.

Possibly you are also affected by the sudden disappearance of help at 18, this so-called "transition" that everyone talks about but nobody in official positions of responsibility seems able to get their heads round.

It sounds like you are doing animal welfare at an FE or Agricultural College. Some people on the spectrum chose courses they suppose will not involve interfacing with people, but most things do. There may be information you are not picking up, which is collectively understood from non-verbal components of briefings and instructions. Ask for your module information to be given to you as a written brief.

As a retired lecturer it does annoy me how many lecturers use the "discuss in groups what you don't know - I'm just here to facilitate" approach. I know it well, the lecturer in my "post compulsory certificate of education course" at the start of my teaching career did the entire thing this way. Its just lazy lecturing.  

A good lecturer should compile up-to-date stimulating material, and package it in a good lesson plan, with good visual aids, and informed discussion sessions that build on student's contributions to lead to a productive and challenging and informative outcome. Instead you get these jokers with no teaching material who expect you to do the work without any insight or direction from them.

Teaching of that sort is not good for a person on the spectrum, because you can only determine what you are supposed to do from discussion with the rest of your discussion group, and that takes all the skills of teamwork. You need to talk to a senior tutor about this, because if this is what is happening, its not suitable teaching for someone on the spectrum.

Nevertheless you will also be advised to read around the subject matter independently, but the lecturer is supposed to provide direction and inspiration, not sit in the room doing marking or private letters while the students work through some ill defined enquiry in discussion groups, with little or no teacher input. Nor is this idea that getting the students to do odd jobs with animals gets around doing any real teaching.

If its any comfort though, most students don't like the facilitator approach to teaching, but despite student feedback forms being full of objections to it, many colleges and universities just don't seem to realise it is poor teaching.